Everything At Once

Does Everything Really Happen For A Reason?

i'm beginning to lose faith in thinking "everything happens for a reason".
i'm beginning to lose hope on the fact that things are supposed to get better.
i'm beginning to feel more negative bc negative things keep happening.
one minute things are okay and the next they aren't. why? why is it like that?
what did i do that was SO wrong, it caused a whole 180 and became a bad thing? is it bc i grew up? is it bc i moved on? is it bc i decided that my future is more important than bullshit? is it that i don't open up anymore? is it that i stopped asking people to stay? is it that i stopped fighting for people bc it didn't seem like they wanted to be here anyway? is it bc i'll let you walk right out of my life while holding the door open? bc i distance myself when bad shit happens? what did i do?!
i sit at home, on the couch in the corner, wondering what i've done. wondering why i feel responsible for what's happen. wondering why i feel the way i end up feeling in the first place. i just don't understand it.
i'm confused and hurt and upset and mad and irritated and fed up in all.
i don't feel like things will get better bc some people talk and some don't. some people run their mouths and others stay shut. i'm tired.
i'm tired of being in the middle of things when i'm okay with everyone involved.
i'm tired of being the peacemaker when i have to do that for others AND myself.
i'm tired of all of it, and i don't think people get that. "she said this, he said that" i don't care about what anyone said, handle it yourself.
i already feel like things are falling apart almost all the time and none of that helps, and everyone wonders why i get so mad or distant or quiet. i'm fed up and i'm done.
everything happens for a reason, right?
so change how you handle it.
what they do is their karma, what you do is yours.