Everything At Once

Someone To You.

"And if the sun's upset and the sky goes cold
Then if the clouds get heavy and start to fall
I really need somebody to call my own
I wanna be somebody to someone"

all i've ever wanted was to mean something to someone. even though sometimes i'm a train wreck that'll come crashing through your front door at 3 in the morning bc i have my emotional issues. i  just want to know that someone will be able to comfort me and also help me grow from the negative things i may think of myself when i'm alone. i know sometimes it can be too much to ask for, but i think i deserve something special. why? because yes, i'm not perfect, but i will give you my 100 if you give me yours. there's also the 50/50 factor; it may work out or it may not, but that's alright. people come and go as lessons, and one day we'll all find the special someone who will light up our dark tunnel and grab our hand to help us find the way out. that's all i've ever really wanted.

i've had a few relationships in my life; some of them ended better than others. i'm hoping that the next will be able to be "the one" in the end; not because i'm in a rush but there's the fact of people being able to deserve one another if they work hard enough for it. trust, effort and communication matter and that's what i have with you. you understand me more than most and i'm very grateful that we met. the 50/50 is a challenge, but with the way things are going now? i feel as if it may work out. I don't have my hopes up, not yet anyway, just in case the foundation to our house ends up cracking and eventually falling apart. i don't feel that way because I don't think it'll work out, but it's there for defense; i have my guards up until I can fully know that i'm getting your 100 like you're getting mine. love isn't some four letter word you can throw at people like a ball you toss when you play catch. it's sentimental. it has meaning, especially when you fall in love with someone. it becomes a stronger bond than just loving the someone they present themselves to be. you see things that others wouldn't see behind closed dors. you see the flaws, the inconsistencies and maybe somethings you may not entirely agree with, but you see passed all of that. you see passed the bad and try to make it good or at least better. they have a past, and so do you. you guys are trying to grow from them though, not sulk in them and become stuck. if you're stuck in your past, you can never move forward and become a better person; aka a better version of yourself. even if you're very good with a lot, there will always be things to improve, but that's okay. we all have to grow as people, even if we're 30 with 2 kids and a beautiful house. it isn't a bad thing to keep growing, it's okay to keep learning from experiences. that's called being human and one way or another? we'll get there someday. i'll be happy i'm able to possibly get there with you.