January 1, 2012
Dear RM,
To not feel alive... yet breathing...
To not feel pain... Yet shattering...
Just who am I? Who am I to you and who am I to myself?
Why was it like this? Why was I feeling so empty? These streets? Where did they all lead? Everything is dark here, no one seems to care... It was as if I was all alone in these forsaken back lands.
But...
It feels calming... As if I am the ruler of this world... As if I was finally in charge of my life... As if I were King...
I sighed once more as I reopened my eyes and was momentarily blinded by the sun's early light. It's blinding rays pierced every corner of my skin as if I were stung by countless bees...
♥♦♣♠
February 2, 2012
Dear RM,
Why are we living? What is the purpose to this life?
Everyone seems to be following a path. The path may not be set in stone, yet they still have a path to follow...
But what about me?I have no path to follow. I walk along aimlessly looking for a glimpse of this "path", yet I see none...
Is there no path for me? Is there no purpose to the life that I am living? Am I just a waste of space living on this planet because of someone's mistake?... They think I was...
To them, they had to give up their dream? Just because of me...
Just because I was born?
Was it my fault?
"I live because I can't die"
Those words never felt truer than they do now, yet the meaning they had are different than what they initially were meant to be... I'm living because I am to cowardly to die, yet too cowardly to move on... I am stagnant...
Do you know how painful it is to be this way? To be so empty... To live a life so empty with no goal? With no path to follow... With no purpose?
Do you know how painful it is to walk amongst the living as if a ghost?
You continue to belittle me by comparing me to your friends... Those that were born with silver spoons in their mouths. You continue to call me a disappointment, thinking only of your face, yet do you even try to understand me?
Whenever I liked something you would say that it was not plausible. That my "dream" was nothing more than a child's fantasy... That the hope I had was just what a child living in a "fantasy world" would say...
As time passed and I continued down this pathless void, I found myself losing my identity.
Who was I? Why was I here? Was there a purpose for me living? Or should I vanish into this void for good? Should I let this void consume me as I fall into the abyss?
Will I find peace then? Happiness?
" I live because I can't die"...
Yes, that is true...
YOU ARE READING
Mine || 전정국
Fanfiction"It's not up to you, kitten" he purred as you backed up against the wall. A chill ran down your spine as you felt his cold breath at the nape of your neck. "We're getting married, and you my pretty little kitten will be mine" ?? ☞Mafia Boss Jungkook...
