Lost not Broken

Chapter 9

One Month Later

I sat outside, on the rooftop watching the sky turn pink as the sun rose, stars fading away. "I'm surprised you're up before me." I turned to see Storm approach, sitting by my side. "I couldn't sleep." I sighed. "I know how you feel... is everything alright though? You're usually a pretty heavy sleeper." She frowned.

I had been doing better this past month as we got settled in, planning what I was gonna do with my room. "I... I don't know, I just..." My chest was tightening. "Hey. Relax." My friend set her hand on my shoulder. I smiled a little. "I've just been thinking." "What about?" "Well... you know how when I was in your cave you said that things were disappearing and files were going corrupt at the Garrison?" I asked. "Yeah?" "Did anyone ever figure out what was going on?" Storm looked at the ground for a moment. "N-No. they didn't. In fact it's still going on. But there's no reason to worry. They've got it under control." She smiled. "If you say so... hey! Why haven't you picked a room yet?!" The realization hit me. "Huh?" My friend frowned. "You haven't picked a room yet." I repeated. "Why would I? I'm only a guest!" She laughed. I felt an aching in my chest. I bit my lip, looking down.

See? You were such an absolute IDIOT for thinking she would stay! Care about you! EVEN CONSIDER YOU A FRIEND!!!!!! You should've killed yourself already.

"Oh... d-did you want me to stay?" Her ears flattened. "N-No, no you don't have to. In fact, you can leave. Now." I felt my shell returning, the walls going back up. "Keith-" "DON'T! I don't wanna hear it! You're no different than anyone else I thought I could trust! Now all I have to do is wait for the rest of Voltron to do the same!" I shouted, shaking with anger. There was a long, still silence before anybody moved. "I think you need to learn to trust yourself before you trust anyone else." She spat, tail lashing as she turned her back on me.

That's it. The aching finally turned to a searing pain. As if a blade of fire had just been stabbed right into me. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I had lost my voice.

Having nowhere else to go, I slowly trudged down to Black's hangar. Her forcefield was still up. All the lions' were, as they were still too weak to function without the forcefields and charging stations. I slid down the forcefield, drawing my knees to my chest, burying my face against my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs, the tears finally starting to fall. "This is all my fault, Black. I wasn't good enough. I caused this. If I h-had just died in t-the desert, n-none of this w-would've h-happened!" I cried. Silence. "N-Nobody w-would ever l-love a b-broken boy."

My cub, why would you think that? You're just lost, not broken.

"W-Wait... you can talk?!" I turned to face my lion.

Of course. You just have to have a strong enough bond.

Black spoke in my head. "Then... what did you mean by... I'm lost?" I asked quietly.

You were never broken, young one. Never. You've just been missing something. A piece of yourself. It's why you kept searching, isn't it?

My lion questioned. "I... I-I... maybe... it's just... ever since... my dad died, I've been trying to... find something to fill the void... it felt filled when I met Shiro, but soon it was empty again... then Voltron... that helped a lot too, but just like before, I felt empty... then I found my mom. I finally thought that the void was filled for good, but... nothing new. It was just the same as everything else. I had come to accept the fact that nothing was going to fill that void. Ever. But... that changed. T-The void, it... felt more than full, when I met Storm. I felt like I had before my dad died. I felt like I was gonna be okay. But there was no way I was gonna let myself get attached to someone else. I couldn't, because despite what I felt, I knew it would end the same as every time before. S-So when Storm left... I... I felt empty again. But it wasn't like every other time, where the void emptied itself. This time, it was only when she left." My voice cracked as I spoke.