A Troyler Fanfic

Chapter 20: I don't know where I'm going

I stroke my palm across his worried face. My fingertips touched his cheek and lingered there, before I dropped my hand to my lap. He looked at me for a couple of seconds, trying to read me, before he reached forward and grabbed my hand tight in his own.

“We are going to be fine, Troye,” I stated. He wouldn’t listen. “I promise you,” I tried.

He wouldn’t look at me anymore and dropped his head to stare at our hands. He pressed his lips together and frowned. I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and stroke my thumb over his hand.

“I just can’t imagine how,” he mumbled and I had to lean forward an inch to hear his words. He moved his lips again, but no words came this time. I could hear him sigh. My other hand, the one he wasn’t holding onto, came up and I placed it under his chin, lifting it up so I could look him in the eyes when I talked to him.

“I can promise you, Troye Sivan Mellet, that we are going to be just fine. We will visit each other every once in a while and we’ll Skype whenever you ask. I’ll make time for you,” He started to drop his gaze, but I lifted his chin up again to finish. His eyes found mine again and I continued. “I promise”.

 

Present me jerked up from the chair I was sitting in. I looked around the room and took in everything, confused for a minute, before I completely woke up and remembered. I was sitting in his room again. I most likely fell asleep yesterday when I sat here and wrote in my journal.

I never sat in or touched his bed. I didn’t want to. Therefore I was sat in the most uncomfortable chair I’ve ever sat on. I picked up my journal which was lying on the floor in front of the chair and walked out of his room and down the stairs. It wasn’t before I was met with everyone in the hallway with their bags that I remembered that this was the day they were going home.

“Oh Tyler! I was just about to get you down here to say goodbye,” Zoe came rushing towards me. I stood completely still as she hugged me tight and whispered something along the lines of; “Make sure to eat!”. I nodded weakly and pulled away. I didn’t miss her disappointed yet worried look as she turned to Alfie, who was looking another way. Probably still ignoring her from the last fight they had.

Shortly after Alfie came over and hugged me quickly before pulling away enough to talk to me face to face.

“Take care of yourself, Tyler. Don’t starve to death or do something reckless!” he looked at me with a strict expression and squeezed my shoulders before moving away.

Marcus and Caspar gave me a hug each and disappeared out the door with Alfie following after. As Zoe was about to walk out the door too, she turned around to look at me. I raised my eyebrows as to ask what she wanted. She pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at me.

“Have faith, Tyler.”

And then, with a swift movement she walked out and closed the door, and I was alone.

***

I fell asleep slowly that night. Slower than I usually did anyway. I twisted and turned around, trying to fall asleep and shut out all of my thoughts that were killing me.