A Troyler Fanfic

Chapter 21: Just Like He Deserved

 It was kind of hilarious. When you’ve been waiting and waiting for something to happen for such long time, you would have expected me to be ecstatic. You would have expected me to be overjoyed and cheerful. I should have been happy. But I wasn’t.

I felt empty. Kind of like my feelings had been switched off. The three words I had heard were drumming in my head, searching for some kind of reaction from me, but found none other than pure surprise.

I was frozen where I stood, about to board the flight. A woman, a flight attendant, smiled an impatient smile directed at me and waved me towards her. I pressed my lips together and stood still, frozen in my spot. You’d think I was strongly debating what I should do, when in fact my mind was like a blank piece of paper. Not because I knew exactly what to do. No, it was because my brain had blown up and now it wasn’t functioning right.

Then, as a light had been switched on, the situation sank in and every possible feeling came rushing. My foot took a step away from the plane. Then two. Then another three.  Before I knew it, I had turned around and was sprinting towards the exit. My feet made loud thumping noises as I ran towards the door before it was too late. Maybe it already was? Maybe it wasn’t any way I could go back?

When I reached the door, I prayed a small prayer to God, who I’d come to trust, before pushing the door hard. It opened. It only took me half a second to fly through the door and down the corridor. When I ran past the woman who had checked my ticket, she gave me a furious look, to which I chose to ignore and continue to run.

Opening the hospital door brought back so many memories, I had to take a moment and try to remain calm and not break down on the floor. My knees were shaking as I walked across the big room and towards the front desk where a man in glasses was sitting.

“Are you visiting someone?” he asked in a bored tone. I didn’t even notice as I already had a lot on my mind. He looked up at me though his small glasses and I could see his judgment. I probably looked like a mess, having to run though the entire airport and all the way to my car. If the mess inside my head was visible from the outside, I would look terrible.

“Hello? Do you need help or are you here to visit?” he pushed. I focused on his voice as I nodded quickly. My mind was blowing up. What was happening? Was this even supposed to happen? I didn’t notice the man was trying to get my attention again, until a hand was waving right in front of me. I met his eyes unsteadily.

“Are you feeling well? Do you need me to get one of the doctors?” I was confused. Did I look sick? Maybe. I hadn’t seen myself in ages. I shook my head. No. I was feeling fine. If you looked past hyperventilating and heavily sweating, then yes. I opened my mouth.

“No. I’m not sick. I’m here to visit,” I managed to mumble. The man nodded slowly with an unsure expression. He was doubting me.

“Okay. Who are you here for?” A simple question, and yet so hard for me to answer. The name wouldn’t come out of my mouth. My tongue twisted, making it impossible for me to say anything. 

“Uh.. Tr- Tro,” I gulped. The man raised an eyebrow. I licked my lips and pressed them together. I couldn’t get the words out. I twisted my hands together and watched as they started shaking. Forcing myself to look away from them and back at the man, I pleaded him.

“Please,” I swallowed. “Please, just let me in,” my voice shook and my eyes were glazed with tears. The man took a longing look at me before turning his gaze down at his computer. My hope disappeared as he sighed and frowned.

“I’m sorry, but you’ll have to give me a name before I can let you go in there,” I felt a small, warm teardrop roll down my cheek. I nodded quietly before I turned around from him and started to walk towards one of the chairs. Before I knew it, someone took a hold of me and pulled me down the corridor, away from the waiting room.