The Mendes Boy

~mediums~

he says I want her to know that's it's not her fault and I wish I was there I regret not being there for you but it's not your fault you tried to stop me and I didn't listen but

please stop blaming yourself" she explained to me I listened but I didn't quite believe her at first because I told the counselor some of this

"I'm getting an image of like a teddy bear" and in that moment I knew it was real I have never told anyone about that teddy bear the tears started coming down my face

"Yeah....um the night he died after I went back to the camp site I woke up my mom and dad and we left that night but as I was sobbing

I was packing up my tent and in the tent was a teddy bear that I've never seen before and next to it was a note and it said I'm always with you love Liam" I told her

"He keeps saying locked box" she informed me I was shocked and happy that it was actually them my brother and my dad

"Um I still have them I have all his stuff and I put the note in one of the boxes but the teddy bear is in the locked box on his motorcycle i drive to school" I explained

"He wanted you to believe it was real so he mentioned something only you would know about" I cried more "he says stop drinking and smoking and doing drugs to hide your pain, he said it's okay to cry for bumblebee" she explained

"Hes Bumblebee when I was little I couldn't say Liam but I could say bumblebee and that was his favorite transformer so I called him that" I replied

"He says the letters S m i dont know he says let that s m boy into your life give that Mendes guy a chance and he wants you to know that even though he isn't with you, he's there he loves

you and dad loves you too and he says tell mom we love her and he also says wear more colors he says you look like the angel of death" I cried more then laughed at the last part

~Rehab~

In rehab I got sober and clean for my brother I missed him so fucking much and now I know he's with me and I stopped blaming myself for his death and I wrote a song for him

yeah in the  juvenile detention center  I started writing music I wrote my first song for the talent show and I also wrote a song for Shawn

I wrote why ~rascal flatts~ and dancing in the sky ~Dani and lizzy~ for my brother

I wrote father ~demi lovato~ for my dad I wrote broken girl ~Matthew west~ for myself and i wrote on purpose ~Sabrina Carpenter~ for shawn

And then when I was done I got on a plane and went home and I was happy for the first time since Liam died I threw the drugs away I threw the beer away replaced it with pop and water

I had finished school in there and took my finals then we only had a week left of school when I went back it was so different