The Mendes Boy

~Juvenile Detention~

"I'm sorry Austin i had to tell her" he confessed "YOU ASSHOLE HOW DID YOU HOW HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE, YOU DID THIS.....I don't choose you

I will never choose you, get out of life I'm tired of pushing people off the edge I'm tired of people i actually love dying, go find someone else, GO FUCK YOURSELF" i snapped he cried more

"3 months in a juvenile detention center and one month in rehab " the officer told me the tears came down my face "I'm sorry" shawn tried to hug

me I snapped "don't fucking touch me, I hate you" i was walked out of my room and put in the back of the police car

I was transported by plane to a juvenile detention center in Mississippi I went to school in there I hated every minute of it I got into a

lot of stupid ass fights with the chicks that were also there I went to therapy to talk about

what happened to me
Didnt really say much other than I blame myself for their death and it's my fault that they are gone I told her I was raped

"I fear that what happened to me will happen again like with shawn I don't believe he would do that but I don't know him well enough

and I'm afraid to let him into my life because what if I was right that everyone I love I fuck up there lives and then the go to that same spot and jump of the cliff" I explained to her

"Who' shawn, tell me about him " she asked "this boy at school he's trying to get my attention I made out with him at a party and then a day later

I made out with another guy cuz I usually didn't give a fuck but Shawn saw and he was heart broken I saw the look on his face and he

told me he liked me and then he left" I explained to her shaking I don't like to talk about my feelings but I don't think I had much of a choice

"What happened after that" she asked me "I went home and I started drinking and smoking and he wouldn't talk to me for a week and I tried to talk to him and he ignored me and I got really sad" I slowly spoke and even though they were my words they didn't make sense

"But you pushed him away, so why would you care if he didn't talk to you, that's what you wanted you don't

want to kill him you think you are the reason for their death but if you went up to him and you were really sad why would you care if he didn't talk to you" she acknowledged

I thought about what she had just told me I thought about it for a while but even in my head it didn't make sense

to me why did I care to much if I didn't like him and I didn't want him n my life why did I care I didn't quite know that answer