The Mendes Boy

~Devastation~

I drank and I never stopped I smoked weed at my first party and I never stopped

I screamed at God for taking them away from me but then I screamed at myself because it was my fault it's my fault it's all my fault I could have

stopped liam I tried to stop him but my dad I didn't I didn't know what he was going to do I didn't know that he was going to kill himself at the same place that ended me

And I didn't know what I was feeling because I had no feeling left in me

Liam died 2 years ago, dad died 1 year ago and a month ago mom and I packed up and left our baggage behind

meaning we left all the people who tried one by one to tear us apart to Pieces the world has so many obstacles that we think we can get through but we can't or can we?

I live in california Now my body is covered in tattoos and piercings all of which are meaningless and I have no idea why I got them but oh well fuck life right

Liam and I had brown eyes a brown hair we look like twins even though he was two years older i was 14 and he was 16 when he died he was my best friend and when he died when I saw him jump, a part of me

went with him and not just a small part a big part and when my dad was gone when I saw that on the news

it was like everything I've ever wanted seem like it was impossible all I wanted was for him to be a better dad and then I made it worse

it's the first day of my senior year not that it matters anyway I've been kicked out of 5 schools I've been thrown in jail 5 times I've got arrested for marijuana cocaine, heroin

you name it and I don't give a fuck  anymore it's not like I'm going anywhere right the people I love don't matter or do they?

today I have a nose piercing tattoos all over long ombre hair why would people give a fuck about what I look like right it's not like I'm gonna fall in love

Its a new school, so a new me right? my mom goes to therapy she's moving on she wanted me to do something with her life again

she wanted to move on from Dad she wanted to move on from there deaths and she don't want me to fall behind in life

So I told her I go back to school I told her I would try I didn't want to but I didn't want to be an alcoholic or drug addict anymore kind

of it filled the void in my life and makes me happy maybe cuz I'm high but I want to make my mom proud I don't want to hurt her like I did my dad and Liam

Beep

beep

beep

I woke up to my stupid ass alarm clock and laid in bed for an hour then I got out of bed, got in the shower shaved, washed my body got out dried off