Anathema

four - fear leads to anxiety

Tyler was oddly quiet the next few days. Even he knew he was confusing his family. Though he'd never been a loud, attention-seeking kid, he'd never been this quiet, either.

"You have to tell them," Clancy said one morning as he was getting dressed to go practice again.

"Tell them what?" Tyler snapped. "There's nothing to tell."

"Tell them why you're suddenly so distant."

"I'm always distant."

Clancy shrugged and tucked one side of his shirt in absentmindedly. "They're going to ask uncomfortable questions if you don't take action first."

"So you want me to tell them about Josh?"

He almost nodded. Tyler almost swore he could see it. But then Clancy hesitated. "Well...maybe not."

Tyler sighed through his nose. "And why not?"

"If he's not real, you could have the same experience you did when you told your mom about us."

Tyler took a breath to protest, but then paused. "Wait, what do you mean, if he's not real? Isn't he?"

"How'd you figure out Nico wasn't real?" Clancy said softly.

"I...I told Mom I'd made a friend at practice, and when he came home with me..." Tyler let his voice trail off as he remembered.

He'd been so excited to introduce him, and in an instant, the feelings had been replaced by fear. Nothing but cold fear. His mother hadn't thought it was funny. He'd tried to tell her that it wasn't a joke, but she'd only gotten angry. He remembered looking at Clancy and then back at Nico, and then realizing how oddly similar the two were, even though they didn't get along. And the fear had been a physical thudding in his chest, twisting its icy knife into his heart.

He knew he was crazy. Sometimes, he had to remind himself. I'm not a normal person. That never made it easier. That first day he'd realized it had been one of the worst days of his life, and that was when Nico stayed for good. They didn't just hang out like they used to. This was a permanent relationship, whether he liked it or not.

Was Josh the same? Would he become just another reminder of how completely unnatural he was?

"So what do you suggest I do, then?" he said, turning his back on Clancy and staring angrily at the wall.

"I don't know."

"Lie to them," Nico said from the corner of the room, where he was barely visible.

"To my parents? They'd never believe it."

"They don't believe you when you tell the truth, either."

Tyler turned the tank top over in his hands and stared down at his skinny frame. "No one believes me, no matter what I say. Then why bother saying anything at all?"

"I believe you," Clancy said softly.

He let out a sarcastic laugh. "Thanks. One imaginary person believes me."

"You asked for a suggestion, and I gave one," Nico said. "If you don't like it, then fine. Do you have any better ideas?"

Tyler pulled his shirt on and wandered to the window, leaning on the window sill. A group of birds flew out of a tree and into the cloudy sky, seeming so light and carefree. Why couldn't he fly away like they could? He glanced at the ground, but quickly looked back up as his mind jumped on the thought of falling. "Do you think he'll really come back?" he asked.

"Who?" Clancy frowned.

"Definitely not," Nico said. "You freaked him out. No one makes friends like that."

"Then how do they do it?" Tyler demanded, whirling around and glaring right at him. "What am I doing wrong? I've been around the guys on my team for years now and I'm still not friends with any of them. What do they see in me that prevents a friendship? What's wrong with me?"

"Oh, we're talking about Josh," Clancy whispered to himself.

"For starters, normal people don't have imaginary friends when they're sixteen," Nico said, adjusting his red beanie. His hands and neck were darker than Tyler remembered. Like he was smeared in black paint.

"So you want me to get rid of you?"

"No, just Clancy."

Tyler spun on Clancy, just to look at him, but he was angry and confused and scared, and his expression was hard and cold. Clancy flinched backward and hunched over, trying to hide in his shoulders. "If I've done something wrong, I'm sorry," he mumbled.

Immediately, Tyler felt a stab of guilt and his expression softened. "No, you didn't, I'm just...I'm just..." He didn't even know what he was feeling. He wanted something, but he didn't know what it was or why it hurt so much to think about it. "I'm just going crazy."

He didn't wait for their responses. He grabbed the basketball and got out of there as fast as he could. He wished he could have a few moments alone, if only to sort through the dozens of confusing emotions and thoughts, but he knew that was too much to ask for.