Anathema

thirty nine - all my friends

"You had something you wanted to tell me?"

Tyler's head snapped up at the sound of Josh's voice. "Oh. Yeah. Um..." He dropped his eyes and shifted his weight. "Can we go somewhere more...private?"

"Sure." Josh didn't even question him, and Tyler sighed in relief.

He glanced around the station, but he couldn't see Clancy or Nico anywhere. There was a decent crowd now that it was morning, but he was pretty sure two imaginary boys covered in blood and bruises would stand out. He hoped they were okay, but he was too afraid to go look for them. He rubbed his stomach absentmindedly, cringing at the dull stinging.

Josh glanced at him, and Tyler was sure he saw him rub his wrist. He couldn't have known, could he? Tyler didn't want him to know about what he'd done. Then he'd know he'd broken his promise. That day in the treehouse seemed so long ago.

The crowded streets were both comforting and unnerving as they left the train station and vanished in between throngs of people. Tyler hated that he flinched whenever someone brushed against him, but he liked the feeling of safety in numbers. He was covered here. No one would notice him. He stayed staring at the found, but he noticed things about people, like the bright colored rain boots of a little girl who looked up at him with wide blue eyes, or the twisted cane carrying an old man. He couldn't remember ever being round so many people before. He'd always been isolated, even as a small child.

Then his thoughts wandered back to Nico's accusation the night before. He was a burden, and he knew it. He knew that was why he never went to public school like his other siblings. He knew that was why his mother watched him constantly. He wondered suddenly what she was doing now. What did she think of him? Had she called the police? Did she know he'd run away, or was she afraid someone like the man from the forest had found him? Maybe she was waiting for a call to come saying they'd found his body somewhere. He bet she didn't even miss him. It was probably freeing to be able to live her life for once instead of having to babysit her sixteen year old son.

"How about we go up there?" Josh asked, pointing to the top of what looked like an abandoned construction sight. There was a half finished building in the middle that towered over the streets.

"How do we get up there?" Tyler asked, rather enticed by the idea of complete privacy on the top of the world.

"There should be some stuff round the back we can climb up. If you're okay with heights and stuff." Josh glanced at him for reassurance, and Tyler gave him a strained smile.

"Yeah, that sounds great."

...

Tyler felt like the king of the world on top of the building. He felt as though nothing could touch him, and that he could spread his wings and fly away without a care in the world.

"What if I just jumped off?" Tyler said suddenly. "How would it feel to fall?"

"It would feel like freedom, until you're halfway down." Josh sat on the edge of the building and dangled his legs over the side. "Then you'd forget all that and suddenly regret it."

"But maybe I wouldn't." Tyler sat next to him and rested his chin on his hand.

Josh shrugged. "Maybe not."

They sat in silence for a long moment, but Tyler didn't mind. Silence with Josh was rarely uncomfortable. Most of the time, it was peaceful. Sometimes, the world needed a little quiet, a little stillness. Tyler watched the cars and the people go by below them like tiny ants. Now he was bigger than an ant. "I created this world," he whispered softly, "to feel some control."