Anathema

eight - turn away

The rain pattered against the roof and filled his bedroom with the soothing rhythm, but he didn't find the comfort he usually did. He'd moved to the corner by the window and his bed and buried his face in his arms without even bothering to change out of his wet clothes. He didn't want to be bothered. He knew his mother wouldn't come in without his permission - that had been their deal years ago when she'd first worried about him. He was more worried that Nico would find him.

Clancy was out in the hall, and Tyler was sure he had no intention of coming in any time soon. He felt awful that he'd snapped at him. And he felt worse knowing that he'd yelled at his mother over practically nothing when all she'd been trying to do was help him.

The door opened just a crack and Tyler heard someone come toward him, his footsteps barely audible. The intruder sat down on his bed by the footboard, by the same corner Tyler was hiding in. They didn't speak for a long time. The room was silent except for the rain and Tyler's occasional sniff.

"She just doesn't get it, does she?" Nico said softly, breaking the silence almost gently.

Tyler just shook his head and didn't speak. He knew his voice would waver and crack, and he didn't want him to hear that.

"There has to be some way to make her understand."

"I have to apologize," he said, and sure enough, his voice cracked, and he tried to make himself look smaller. He wasn't sure how long he'd been there, but his legs were going numb and his back hurt. He wished it would go away so he could stay here forever.

"You can't do that now," Nico said. "Not yet. Your siblings are home. You can't let them see you like this. What would they think? You're their older brother."

"I'm a pathetic older brother," he mumbled.

"Maybe, but they shouldn't expect you to be perfect."

"She always said I was her perfect little angel. I remember her telling me that all the time as a kid."

"Then what happened?"

"I grew up," Tyler said bitterly. "She found out that I'm just as human as everyone else."

"Maybe."

"Can't she see that I'm trying my best? I'm trying really hard. I'm doing exactly what she wants me to do." He was in tears again, but he didn't bother wiping them away. "I stay in basketball, I pass my tests, I'm trying to get a scholarship so I can go to college, I try to talk to her - I even pretend you guys don't exist, just for her. Can she not see any of that?"

Nico shrugged. "Guess not."

"She must not love me very much then," Tyler said, glaring at the wall as the tears spilled down his cheeks.

"Then why would she try to help you? If she was trying to help at all, I mean."

"She probably doesn't want a freak for a kid."

"I don't think you're a freak."

"That's just the problem," Tyler said, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. "You guys are the reason I'm a freak."

"In my defense, the only one making a scene was Clancy," Nico pointed out. "You snapped at him, not me."

Tyler sighed softly. "I need to apologize to him, too."

"I doubt he'll talk to you."

"Why not?"

"You know how sensitive he is. You broke his trust."

That made him feel worse. "If you're trying to comfort me, you're doing a miserable job," he muttered.

Nico shrugged again. "Yeah, well, the first step to change is to acknowledge why something went wrong."