Anathema

thirty seven - i'll go with you

Tyler had never ridden on a bus without his parents before. Frankly, he'd never really gone anywhere without one of his parents. He felt like a lost child as he followed Josh up the steps and to a seat near the back. Even though they had to walk in single file, Josh still let him hold his hand, and Tyler relaxed slightly. He wasn't alone. He was with Josh.

"You're alone," Nico said behind him. "None of us are real, remember?"

Tyler's grip tightened on Josh's hand. Josh is real. Josh is real. Josh squeezed reassuringly, as if he knew something was bothering him.

Josh picked a seat, and Tyler sat by the window, still clinging to his hand. He didn't say anything, choosing instead to stare out the window and watch the streets pass by.

"Something's bothering you," Josh said after a few minutes of silence.

"It's nothing," Tyler muttered.

Josh squeezed his hand again, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. "Just let me know if you need to tell me anything."

"Okay."

He knew he had to tell him about Clancy and Nico sometime, he just wasn't sure he'd ever find the courage to do so. But Josh had told Tyler his secrets. He'd told him about his abusive father and his parents' divorce, and trusted him enough to sleep in his bed and run away with him. But those were fairly average secrets. They weren't secrets that would put him in a mental hospital.

Tyler shifted and held Josh's hand with both hands, brushing his thumb across his skin as if reassuring himself he was really there. He felt so real. Then again, so did Clancy and Nico. How could they be so tangible when they were merely figments of his imagination? He wished Josh would have let him introduce him to his parents. At least then he'd know for sure if he was real or not.

"Josh, there's something I need to tell you," he whispered.

"What is it?" Josh turned to face him, his coffee eyes glinting in the sun. Tyler noticed a rim of dark hazel green around the edges. Hazel coffee. Christmas hazel coffee.

"I...I can't tell you yet." Tyler dropped his eyes. "I'll tell you when we're alone."

"I don't think we're going to be alone for a while," Josh said, leaning his head back on the seat with a sigh.

"I'd tell you now," Tyler said, though he knew he was lying, "but I'm afraid of what everyone else will think. I'm afraid because...because I care what you think. About me. About...this." He started to release Josh's hand, but for some reason, Josh held on. "I'm sorry, I'll just...I'll tell you when we stop to sleep."

"Okay," Josh said.

"Where are we stopping?"

"I was thinking we could head to Cincinnati. It's a big city, so no one will notice a couple of stray kids. Then maybe we can get a train ticket and go to Chicago or something."

"Cincinnati?" Tyler blinked in surprise, his throat closing up. "That's two hours away from here."

"Five by bus," Josh said softly.

"How...how do you know which buses to take? What if we get lost?"

"Now you're sounding just like Clancy," Nico muttered from the seat behind them.

"I've been planning this for months." Josh winced slightly as if he was embarrassed. "We'll probably get there around five, then we'll have an hour to find the station before it gets dark. We can grab something to eat and figure out where to go after that. We can sleep in the train station or buy tickets and sleep on the train."