Anathema

thirty one - make them stop

He wasn't sure how long he slept, but when he woke up, it was dark outside and he could hear his parents talking in the hall outside his door. He could barely make out the words, and the more he focused, the harder his sudden headache pulsed behind his eyes.

"I'm worried about him," his mother said. "It isn't normal to stay awake for days because of nightmares."

"And Dr. Rothlesberger isn't helping?" his father asked.

Nico snorted. "She's making it worse."

"I don't know. We've only been going for a month, and I haven't seen any improvements. In fact, I think he's getting worse."

"That's not her fault, is it?"

"I don't think so, but she encourages him to talk about his imaginary friends. He still sees them, Chris, and now she's talking about them like they're real, too. I don't know what's best for him."

"Has he told you anything?"

"No. He won't talk to anyone. He's isolated himself, and now that he's...he's started self-harming, Chris, I'm scared. I'm scared we're going to lose our son. I don't know what to do."

Worms of guilt dug into Tyler's stomach, right into his cuts. He cringed in pain and closed his eyes, pressing his palm against his head to dull his migraine. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"And there's someone else now," his mother continued. Tyler could hear her sobbing. "He mentioned someone named Josh today, and he's never mentioned him before. Tyler said he's the one that gave him the knife. What if Josh is another imaginary person who's...who's trying to..."

Tyler knew what she was going to say. What if Josh is another imaginary person who's trying to kill him? He was afraid of that, too, to a degree. He was scared Josh wasn't real. He was terrified that the one person he could truly talk to wasn't real. He was terrified that he'd fallen in love with someone who didn't even exist.

"How pathetic," Nico grumbled.

"He doesn't know any better," Clancy said softly.

"I've been trying to tell him this for months. He knows better. He just pretends not to."

I can't help it, Tyler wanted to say, but he stayed quiet, listening to his parents.

"Dr. Rothlesberger said it isn't schizophrenia?" his father asked. "What about some kind of psychosis?"

"She doesn't know. Nobody knows. I don't know what's wrong with him, and I'm afraid he'll be like this forever, too scared to leave the house or go to sleep, never talking to anyone, never eating or drinking or taking care of himself, stuck with three imaginary boys for his entire life, until he..."

"Until he cuts his life short," his father said quietly. "You say that like it's inevitable. It's not. We'll figure this out, all three of us. He'll be okay."

He'll be okay.

Tyler held on to those words as tight as he could. His father knew he'd be okay. He closed his eyes again and tried to steady his breathing, and even through the pounding in his head, he quickly fell asleep again.

...

His headache didn't get any better with sleep. In fact, it only came back worse. When he woke up again, he could barely think at all, but all he wanted to think about Josh. Imagining his sunshine smile made him forget about the migraine in his head for just a moment and made him feel just a little bit better. He opened his eyes a little, grateful for the dark, and saw Clancy sitting at the foot of his bed, picking at the hem of his shirt.