Anathema

twenty - trying to run from you

The November wind was especially cold today. It was as if now that the month had changed, the weather had decided to change as well. Tyler stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets to warm them, only removing them to wipe his face with his sleeve. He stayed staring bitterly at the ground as the tears slipped silently down his cheeks and stung his skin in the wind. He could barely see where he was going, but at this point, he didn't care. He was miles from home, and it would take him hours to get there, but he just decided that he had hours away from his parents and hours to himself. He didn't want to be alone. He wanted to be with Josh.

"Do you have any idea where you're going?" Nico asked beside him.

Tyler didn't answer. He just sniffed and rubbed his nose and continued very deliberately down the street. He reached an intersection and slammed his fist against the crosswalk button. Pain prickled through his hand, but he ignored it.

"Why didn't she come after you?" Nico wondered aloud.

"Because she hates me," Tyler grumbled. "We've been over this." He risked a glace behind him, but he didn't see his mother's car. He didn't see Clancy, either, and that was rather concerning, but he managed to shove the concern in the back of his head and tell himself that he'd be back at home waiting like he always was.

They fell back into silence, and the more Tyler thought about their conversation, the more a deep red black hatred boiled in his chest, not necessarily toward his parents, but toward himself. He hated that he couldn't be a normal person. He hated that he doubted everything at all times. He hated that he was afraid of everyone. He hated that he had uncontrollable outbursts that left him roaming alone in the cold. And he hated that Nico was always right.

They passed a row of trees planted by the sidewalk, and without thinking, Tyler let out a yell of frustration and punched one of the trees as hard as he could. Immediatly, his knuckles cracked and pain exploded through his fist. Tears of pain sprung to his eyes and he covered his mouth with his other hand to muffle his whimper. Two of his knuckles were bleeding from the rough bark, and the rest of his hand was scraped up and stinging in the wind, and he knew he'd probably bruised himself pretty badly just by trying to let his anger out.

He sucked on his bleeding knuckle and ignored the tears running down his face, keeping his eyes up just enough to avoid running into anyone. He didn't want to walk home alone, really, but he wasn't sure what he wanted. Maybe he wanted his mother to pull up beside him and apologize and tell him how much she loved him - really tell him, not just repeat the same hollow words she was required to say as a mother. He didn't want to be treated so special, but how was he supposed to tell her that? She'd just tell him she loved him like she always did, and then she'd try to be more subtle with his special treatment. Tyler would give anything to be normal for just one day.

Eventually, his legs grew tired and he stopped at a bus stop to sit down for a few minutes. There was an old couple sitting there, but otherwise, no one else was around. He sat down and cupped his chin in his hand and stared blankly at the street, counting red cars.

"Move over," Nico said. "I want to sit down."

Tyler waited for someone to pass by who looked like they might wait, too, and then he slid a little closer to the old couple. Of course, the person on the street didn't even pause, and Nico sat down next to him with a rather smug expression. The couple exchanged a glance and shifted slightly, and Tyler winced, a needle of hurt slowly digging into his heart. He didn't even do anything and people still thought he was weird.

"Hi," he said, hoping to break the tense silence. However, talking was more uncomfortable than the quiet, and he immediately wished he'd kept his mouth shut.