kik → a.i ⋆ c.h

11

calumhizzle: ashton?

astroash: yes
astroash: why'd you use my name

calumhizzle: can we talk?

astroash: of course
astroash: what's going on?

calumhizzle: I just kind of realized that you've lied to me about a lot of shit
calumhizzle: and I didn't know how to phrase that nicely I'm sorry
calumhizzle: but it's bugging me

astroash: oh
astroash: about what

calumhizzle: when we first started talking you basically told me you've never really dont shit with a guy
calumhizzle: then there's everything with luke
calumhizzle: and more stuff with luke on top of all the other stuff about luke
calumhizzle: and now michael
calumhizzle: also you told me you don't know arzaylea but apparently she was part of the reason you and luke broke up?
calumhizzle: should I go on

astroash: did luke tell you about arzaylea?
astroash: and can I call you?

calumhizzle: idk

astroash: please?

calumhizzle: okay

[ astroash is calling...]

     "Hey." Calum mumbles.

     "Hey." Ashton replies. "You know I never did any of that to hurt you, right? I lied to you about Luke because I was scared of what would happen if you knew. He's your best friend and I'd never want to compromise that."

     Calum sighs. "It's not your job to protect me or my friendships, Ashton."

     "I know that."

     "Do you?"

     Ashton pauses for a moment. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry for lying about Luke, and Michael, and I'm sorry for lying to you about being with guys. I barely knew you when I said that and I never tell people I'm bi when we're first meeting. I've had so many bad experiences with coming out to new friends that I just don't."

     "But at that point, you already knew that I'm gay. You had to have known that I wouldn't judge you."

     "I know." Ashton replies. "I was just scared and I have trust issues and you were this weird Australian who wouldn't leave me alone." He laughs.

     "What about Michael?" Calum asked.

     "It never came up and what's the point in digging up things that were in the past and didn't matter anymore?"

     "What's the point? Jesus fuck, Ashton." Calum scoffs. "You, Luke, and even Michael, hid all this shit from me like I'm a fucking kid in the middle of his parents divorce and it's ridiculous. For every single goddamn secret that spills out, five more take its place and I'm sick of it. First it was four months with luke, then it was four fucking years and he was your first love and you two ran away to Los Angeles together? And first you don't know Michael, then he was involved in your breakup?" Calum pauses as he wipes the tears from his eyes. "It's so fucking stupid. First you've just made out with your guy friend then you've fucked guys and finally- your first love was a guy. You seriously don't see the fucking idiocy of all this?"

    "I'm sorry."

     "Are you?"

     "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, Cal." Ashton sighs as he leans his head back against his seat. "I haven't been in a relationship in so long and I'm scared to get close to people or let them in because every time I have, it's gone wrong and- and it's so fucking hard for me to not do that with you, you know?" He sniffles, quickly wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "You've been different from the beginning and I love that about you, but everyone leaves me- they always have. I always end up on my own when I let people in and- and I can't stop thinking about how bad it's going to hurt when you inevitably leave, and-"