kik → a.i ⋆ c.h

41

TRIGGER WARNING
SELF HARM

calumhizzle: it's the middle of the night in la so i know you won't see this until morning, but i guess that's why i'm doing it now? i don't want to have a conversation, i don't want you to try to change my mind, you wouldn't be able to anyway. i'm in a bad place, you know that. i'm stressed and overall i'm just overwhelmed? and it's bad. i'm not going to try and kill myself again, i promise, i know better now than a few years ago. but clearly i don't, because i relapsed a few nights ago. i feel so shitty about it, i was doing so good, but it was familiar, and it wasn't comfortable, but it was easier than dealing with what i'm feeling. i should've called you but i didn't. and i think it's best if things change. i can't keep going on the same as before. i can't handle the life i'm living right now and i think i need to be on my own. you know how big of a responsibility relationships are, and it's so hard. i can't do it anymore. don't try to get back to me when you get up because i won't answer. i hope life brings you everything you deserve, okay? because you deserve the world and i can't give you that. i'm sorry.

astroash: what?
astroash: no
astroash: don't
astroash: don't do this
astroash: especially over text, what the fuck
astroash: baby you could've called me when you relapsed
astroash: you know i'd stay on the phone with you all night if i had to
[astroash is calling...]
astroash: please don't do this
astroash: please don't leave me
[astroash is calling...]
astroash: did i do something?
astroash: whatever i did, tell me
astroash: tell me what i need to do and i'll do it
astroash: just please don't do this
[astroash is calling...]
astroash: cal
astroash: please
[astroash is calling...]
astroash: please answer me
[astroash is calling...]
astroash: i love you so much
astroash: you say i deserve the world and you can't give me that but you're my world
astroash: you mean more to me than anything else, cal
[astroash is calling...]
astroash: please
astroash: please think about this before you make an irrational decision
astroash: i know how rough it's been, baby
astroash: that's why you need to talk to me
astroash: let me be here for you
astroash: please
[astroash is calling...]
astroash: calum
astroash: please don't leave
[astroash is calling...]

     "Stop, please." Calum says quietly.

     "Cal, please don't-"

     "It's over, Ash." Calum states, barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."

     "No, no, Calum-"

     "Goodbye."

     "Wait, wait, please." Ashton begs. "What did I do? Why are you doing this?"

     "It's not you." Calum replies. "I just can't."

     "Please- Please don't leave me." Ashton stutters as tears begin streaming down his face.