Transformation - The Start Of A New Life

Chapter 11

I couldn't believe Steve felt responsible for what happened. He had saved my life. I wanted to scream, wanted to tell him that I could never push him away. But I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything and had to listen to Steve and Tony's entire conversation. The desire to go over and hug my best friend as tight as I could hurt worse than any injuries that I had suffered.

After Tony left, Steve took my hand. I wanted to squeeze his fingers to show him that I'm still here but I couldn't. When he told me that I was his heart I thought for a second he felt the same way that I did. When he added that I was his best friend I wasn't too surprised. Of course, he had Peggy. And the worst thing was that I couldn't even be mad at him for liking her. She was so lovely and beautiful. And she was powerful. Who doesn't like a woman who can strike a punch and take on almost anybody from the base.

In that moment I decided I wouldn't tell Steve how I really feel about him. I'd rather have him in my life as a best friend than losing him all together. It would kill me to watch him with Peggy but if it makes him happy I am more than willing to make a few sacrifices. As long as I had him by my side everything was fine. After all we had made a promise to each other. "Till the end of the line".

*****

I have been in Bucky's room for two days now. I barely slept. I mostly just sat on the chair by his bed and cried. As much as I despise self pity I couldn't help but think about how I lost the one person I thought would always stay with me.

Tony made the nurses transfer my bed to Bucky's room so that I wouldn't have to stay on the chair where my legs had started cramping. I pushed the beds as close as possible so I could still hold Bucky's hand. The doctors had explained to me that even though he was unconcious he still had a sleep rhythm and they explained how I could tell what state he was in by looking at what all the machines Bucky was hooked to picked up. Sometimes when he was sleeping I coudled up to him and put my head to his neck.

His scent was just like I remembered it. He smelled like woods and bonfire and he made me think of Smores. His hair was wonderfully messy since he hadn't been able to fix it for a while. I never noticed how attractive he was. Or I guess I did notice but I decided to ignore it since he was my best friend. I was aware that I was interested in boys as well as in girls but I couldn't let myself fall for somebody who would never see me as more than a friend. Thinking of it Bucky had never mentioned being interested in anyone. Of course he had had a bunch of guys over the years but nothing had ever been serious.

After about a week of feeling sorry for myself I decided to go to the food tent and get a proper meal. When I went out the door I bumped into Peggy. "Hey, Peggy. What are you doing here?" "I came to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing.", she answered. "I was just going out to get some food. Do you want to come with me?", I asked. Maybe she could take my mind off what happened for a while. I really enjoyed her company. "I'd love to. How is he doing?" "Nothing changed. He's still unconcious. I don't really wanna leave him in case he wakes up but I'm going crazy staying in there all alone with my thoughts." My thoughts were a real problem by now. The longer I stayed with Bucky the harder it got to keep lying to myself about him being only my best friend. He was more than that. And although at first I tried to tell myself he was like a brother to me I knew that wasn't true. "What's going on in your mind? Maybe I can help you figure things out.", Peggy offered. "Thank you. I really appreciate that but for now I would just like to think of something else. What's been going on around the base? Any new gossip I should know about?"

Peggy and I talked for a couple of hours and I could really relax around her. Apparently there had been an affair between a married sergeant and a nurse but nobody knew who the girl was. A little group of soldiers had left the base without permission to visit a pub in the little town near by where they got into a fight over a local girl who wasn't interested in any of them since she was engaged. After we cleared our plates and took a walk through the surrounding fields we went to see Tony in his lab because I wanted to see how he was doing with Bucky's prothese.

He told me he was almost done and the only thing left to do was create the metal cover. To me it just looked like A bunch of wires and electronic things soldered together. But I really had no idea how this kind of stuff worked so I decided just to trust the expert and wait until he could try it on Bucky. Afterwards I went back to the nursery where I was met with a pleasant surprise.

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I finally managed to write a long chapter again. I know things are happening quite fast right now but I might still change it up a bit.

That's all from me for now. Hope you enjoy and all that's left to say is bye. See you soon!