Transformation - The Start Of A New Life

Chapter 15

When I turned around I was so glad to see Tony. I was afraid of it being Peggy. I felt guilty for spending the night with her because of Bucky but I also didn't want to hurt her. I really liked Peggy and since I was never gonna be with Bucky maybe I could even develop feelings for her. She was beautiful and powerful and amazing but I didn't think anybody could ever live up to Bucky.

After Tony left I went to talk to Peggy since I couldn't avoid her for much longer. Mainly I couldn't avoid my feelings anymore. I had to talk to her to figure out what I was going to do. If I was going to give the two of us a chance.

*****

Feeling Steve's arms around me and wrapping mine around his body was a feeling I was always gonna cherish. Feeling the hard muscles on his back was a new and fantastic feeling. The old version of him was adorable and precious and the most lovable human I knew but now on top of all of that he was insanely hot. I would have never thought I could love him more than I already did but I was proven wrong. And just now Peggy enters the picture. Isn't that great?

How was I ever going to live up to someone like her? She was so perfect. Beautiful, strong, smart. If I weren't gay I would probably fall for her too. But I fell for my best friend with those beautiful blue eyes and that huge heart. I was sure he had enough love in it to fill the hole world with kindness. And I knew he loved me, just not in the way I wanted him to. I couldn't even be angry. Not at him, not at myself. It was nobody's fault that things were the way they were. But life is no merry-go-round and you can't choose how other people feel. Hell, you can't even choose how you yourself feel. If that were possible I would just unfall for Steve and live on happy. What I would give for just a simple crush. But no, I just had to be helplessly in love with someone who would never see me in that way.

*****

I was relieved when Steve came to me. We would have had to talk about what happened sooner or later anyways. And I was happy I didn't have to make the first step. Hopefully Steve didn't regret that night. Otherwise I would be really embarassed. It wasn't nice waking up alone after you've had sex with someone. But he was probably just overwhelmed.

"Hey, Peggy. I'm sorry I left like that but I had to be with Bucky when they woke him up. I didn't want him to be alone. And I didn't want to wake you. I thought that would have been rude. So, I'm really sorry. I never meant to upset you.", he explained while looking down at the floor. "Hey, Steve. I get it. You wanted to be there for your best friend. That's what I would have done too." But I would have also left a note about where I was. It was hard not being angry because I cared about Steve and I wanted us to be together but I also needed safety in a relationship. "Peggy, I think we should talk about what we are. Last night was great but I need to know where we stand." "I do too. Look, I like you and I want to give this a try. But for it to work you have to want it too. I've been in a one sided relationship before and I can't do it again. Life is too short to fight for the affection of someone who is emotionally unavailable." Steve looked at me for a while before giving an answer. "I want to tell you the truth. If I told you I loved you right now I would be lying. But I care about you very much. With time I'm certain my feelings for you would get stronger and I might fall in love with you. But I understand if you don't want to get involved with something like that. Or if you want to give it time and forget about it for now. Maybe talk about it again in a few months, see where we stand then. I can't promise you anything right now. Maybe not ever and I don't want you to waste your time on me. But most of all I don't want you to get hurt." That seemed like a very honest answer. But there was something bugging me. "Is there someone else? I need you to be honest about that." He took a very deep breath. "There is, or at least there was. But it's never gonna happen and I'm tired of 'what if's. I need to move on. It's your call if you want to do this." "Give me some time to think about it, okay? I have to figure out what I want and if it's worth it." "Alright. Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." He gave me a soft kiss on the cheek and left. This would be a hard decision. I wanted to try but I wasn't sure if he was worth the risk. If my feelings were strong enough.

×××××

Hey, folks! What do you think, she's gonna do? And will Steve be able to let go of his feelings for Bucky or is he gonna hurt her?

So many questions and no answers. Only time will tell.

That's all from me for now. Hope you enjoy and all that's left to say is bye. See you soon!