Transformation - The Start Of A New Life

Chapter 17

This trip was pure torture. Spending all that time so close to Bucky, seeing Sebastian. It was a no brainer to defend my best friend but this whole situation didn't exactly help me to move on from him and focus my mind on Peggy. How was I ever supposed to unfall for Buck if he was always around, looking so handsome and being so wonderful. My heart could have bursted with love whenever I looked at him and so I tried not to. But it was really hard. So I tried to stay away. I flirted with people I had never met and felt guilty for everything I did or didn't do. All I wanted to do was confess my feelings to Bucky and make this a great romantic trip for the two of us but now I just tried to distract my heart. Peggy wasn't here and I didn't want to betray her either so I left it at flirting and drowning in self pity.

It was pathetic, really. If I had seen somebody else do what I was doing I would shake my head and tell them to be honest. To just have the guts to admit to how they feel. Heartbreak is part of life and if you were really such good friends then you'll find your way back to each other once the crush is over. But now, being in that situation myself, it suddenly seemed a lot scarier. And I didn't just have a crush on Buck, I loved him with everything that I had. How did anyone get over that? Losing the person I loved the most wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

*****

Not seeing Steve for a few days was good. It really gave me a chance to think. I couldn't deny I missed him but I still wasn't all that sure if I wanted to risk having my heart broken by him. I was going crazy talking only to myself and so I decided I needed some advice. Tony was the only friend I had that knew the both of us and so he was the best choice. I went to look for him and I wasn't surprised to find him in his laboratory. It seemed like he was always there.

When I entered he quickly covered what he was working on with a cloth. "Hey, Peggy. What's up? I heard Steve and Bucky went home for a while. Are you lonely or why are you here? You barely ever visit me when I'm working." "I need some advice. I tried to work it out by myself but I need to talk to someone else.", I admitted. "This is about Steve, isn't it?" "How do you know?" "I know everything. You're gonna learn that someday.", he grinned at me. "So, can I pick your brain? I promise it won't take long." "Sure. What did the wonderful Captain do?", he asked while trying not to laugh. "Please, be serious." "All right. I'm all ears." I thought about what I was going to say a little. "You see, the night before Barnes was woken up, Steve and I had a moment. We kissed by the bonfire and then we went to spend the night in my tent. It was good, I really enjoyed it and I think he did too. But in the morning he was gone. He didn't leave a note or anything. I was so worried that he was angry at me. That I might have taken advantage of him. When I went to see where he was, I came by the nursery. Of course he was with Barnes. So that he wouldn't wake up to an empty room. But when they hugged it seemed weird. I don't know. Later that day we talked and he told me that he was currently trying to get over someone and that he couldn't promise me anything but that he liked me. I don't know what to do, Tony. Do I give him a chance?"

A subtle smile had taken over his face. In that moment I knew. He really did know everything. "Listen, Peggy. It's not my truth to tell. And deep down you already know you should probably not try to make it work with Steve. But you also know you will do it anyway. It's not gonna be forever, but so what? Life is short and heartbreak is part of loving. Think about it. Would you listen to me if I told you to stay away from him because he's in love with someone else or would you still believe you can make him love you? I know who his heart beats for and if your are honest to yourself you know who he loves most too. In the end you are going to have to take a risk. You either risk missing out on something great or you risk a broken heart. Just go for it. You are young, you still have time to find the love of your life." "Have you found the love of your life?" "I do have a beutiful woman waiting for me back home. She was my assistant once but now she's running things while I'm gone. I'm confident Pepper is the love of my life and once I'm home I'll ask her to marry me.", I could see how much he loved her. He looked so happy whwn he said her name. But I was still quite confused by what Tony said. He was right. I knew I would go for it and I knew Steve wouldn't ever really love me. Maybe I was self destructive but I couldn't help the temptation. When Steve was home I would tell him I wanted to try. My decision was set in stone.

"Are you still working on the arm for Barnes? I thought you said you were as good as done." "No, I'm not working on the arm. I can show you if you promise not to tell anyone." "Okay? I promise. What is it?" He lifted the cloth and what was revealed took my breath away. It was beautiful and elegant and all around just marvelous. "It's ....."

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Welcome back. Can you guess what Tony is working on? You want me to give you a hint? Okay: It's made of iron. Does that ring a bell?

That's all from me for now. Hope you enjoy and all that's left to say is bye. See you soon!