Learning How to Bend

Day 28 - You get words. And YOU get words!

//This is ANOTHER part I wrote over the weekend but was saving till now.  I wrote 15,000 words on Sunday.  15,000!  Anywho...back to Joe and Katherine...//

Joe held tightly to me for a time until he put both hands on my cheeks. "Are you okay?"

"No," I said. "Of course not, but this isn't about me. It's about Kat. It's about you."

"You didn't have to be here."

"I know, but I wanted to be."

"Thaddeus is here, too?" I assumed he looked behind me.

"He wouldn't let me Uber."

"I like him more every day." Joe managed a smile and patted both my cheeks before completely releasing me. He stepped past me to Thaddeus and shook the slightly taller man's hand. "Thank you for bringing her."

Thaddeus only nodded.

"And for supporting her."

"Of course," Thaddeus said.

I moved across the room and attached myself to Thaddeus once more. I was praying that some of his peacefulness would permeate into me from our clasped hands. I thought he could feel me shaking. I leaned my head against his shoulder. I thought he would push me away for showing such a need for comfort from him in public, but he did no such thing. He simply pressed a kiss to my forehead. I closed my eyes. When he felt me calming, he moved a little away but was still close enough to offer support if I needed it. Which I would. I needed him so I could comfort Joe as I needed to, and I could not be who I needed to be for Joe if I were falling apart due to my own struggles.

"I'm going to try to go back with Kat," Joe said.

"Why aren't you back there now?"

"Can you believe she kicked me out?"

"Yes." I managed a smile. "I can completely believe that."

Joe ran a hand through his sandy blond hair. "I have to go."

"I'll be here. If you're able to see Kat, tell her I'm here, okay?"

"Of course." I heard him walk away, and I knew he had disappeared into some back area of the hospital into which I was not yet allowed. Spouses and family members and all that jazz. I rubbed up and down my arms, trying to warm the chill which was seeping through my bones. I still did not want to be here, but I was because I needed to be here. For Kat. For Joe. For their baby.

That did not mean I was not terrified.

Dizziness washed over me. I would have fallen, but Thaddeus somehow appeared behind me, and Chelise was at my side. I grabbed the bar on her harness and willed myself to breathe regularly, but I could not seem to take in enough air. I started gasping. I knew what this was. I was having a panic attack. I needed out of here.

"Lily?"

"I need...to go...outside," I wheezed.

Thaddeus's arm wrapped around my back, and he rushed me out into the fresh air. Despite it being cold as death outside, I felt far better from even stepping out of the sterile smell of the waiting room. The sounds...the smells...even the feel of the floor under my feet. It was all too familiar. I could not be there. Not at the moment. I just needed a few minutes to breathe, then I could go back.

"What happened here?" Thaddeus asked.

"Bad things. Really bad things," I croaked. I rubbed my temples for a couple moments before dropping them. "I haven't been here in a long time. July of 2016. I never wanted to come back here. Why did Joe have to take Kat here?"