Learning How to Bend

January 28

I was out of the hospital a few days later. It was not soon enough, as I was starting to get severe cabin fever. Before Thaddeus, I had been perfectly content staying in my apartment for weeks on end without ever exiting, but I could not do that anymore. I needed out. As soon as possible, or I was going to go crazy. In fact, it was arguable I already was. Susan had called several times to check on me and see if I needed anything, and I had snapped at her to leave me alone during the final conversation. I did not even have the capacity at the time to feel guilty. I wanted to go back to my apartment, but none of my loved ones agreed with me. Katherine went to my apartment to pack me enough clothes to last a couple weeks, and Joe agreed to meet Thaddeus and me at his apartment complex with Chelise. I hated all of the attention. I hated feeling like everyone had to care for me. There were days when I felt fine when I woke up, but my swimming head would quickly remind me not to push myself too hard.

Thaddeus drove me himself from the hospital to his apartment, where he gingerly helped me from the car and supported me as dizziness attacked me from all sides. I closed my eyes, standing still until my eyes would stop feeling like they were moving in two different directions, and I walked slowly beside him into the lobby of the complex to the elevator, in which he pressed his key fob to the reader and pressed the button for his penthouse living space. I did not say much, partly because I felt exhausted but also because talking too much hurt. Every jostle seemed to cause little invisible gremlins to bite at my body, and it took everything in me not to wince with every step. Thaddeus settled me on the couch, and I relaxed completely, wondering if it were possible to melt into the leather furniture.

I was dozing off before Thaddeus sat beside me. He cleaned the injuries on my face and applied antiseptic, and I felt myself exhale slowly as he did so. When he finished, he left his hand on my cheek. I put my hand on his and brought it to my lips to kiss, never once opening my eyes.

"I could have lost you. Again," Thaddeus murmured.

"But you didn't." I had previously been resting my head backward, but I brought it forward when he started speaking. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Why didn't you call Mike?"

"By the time he would have arrived, I could have been home. It wasn't worth it." I shook my head weakly. "Plus, I was sure he had other things to do. He can't just be my chauffeur."

"You should've called."

"I'm a grown woman; perhaps much to your surprise, I can take care of myself." Irritation slipped into my tone, causing my volume to increase slightly.

"I told him to look after you."

"And he does so wonderfully when you're out of town," I said.

"That's unacceptable."

I stiffened at that. "What's...'unacceptable?' That he's there for me when you're out of town, or that I don't let him care for me as much when you're here? He has a life, too. I'm not going to take it away from him."

He shook his head.

"This is not his fault," I said. "If you're going to be frustrated with anyone, it should be me. I told Mike to leave. I didn't know how long I was going to be stuck at the vet's office. I didn't want him waiting on me, especially if you had any important meetings to which he needed to—"

"Don't turn this back on me." Thaddeus's tone turned ice cold. This was the Thaddeus I knew from when I first met him.

"I'm not doing that." I waved my hand dismissively. "What I'm doing is trying to help you realize that me riding with Mike or in a taxi...it wouldn't have made a difference. No GPS could have gotten me around an accident that had not yet occurred."