Learning How to Bend

December 12 - Part 2

//Okay, I'm content now.  Hopefully by the end of this part...y'all will be, too. ;) // 

I nodded. No words could properly convey the emotions which were erupting from my heart to warm every nerve of my body. The demon's taunts now seemed insignificant, like a whisper aimed in my general direction from the top of the Grand Canyon while I was at the bottom. I had never been there—nor did I have any interested in traveling to it—but I had heard it was big. Very wide and very deep. It seemed like a good analogy. I smiled, this time more genuinely than the past, and snuggled just a little closer to him as I held the blanket tightly to my body. I was very acutely aware of the fact that the blanket was the only thing separating my bare skin from the cold air. Thaddeus probably thought it was unnecessary to turn on the heater as long as he had blankets.

"What do you want to do? I can cook you something while you choose a movie?" Thaddeus asked, knowing back to bed was where I probably wanted to go least right now. He would never fully understand how right he was.

My nightmare pushed to the back of my mind, I actually giggled a little at his question. I put my hand at the center of his chest and shifted upward to give him a quick, chaste peck on his lips. I curled up just slightly closer, my knees coming up so my legs were folded under me with my knees on Thaddeus's thigh. "Unless you want to describe to me everything that's going on in a movie, that may not be the best idea. Since, you know, I can't actually see what's going on."

I thought I heard Thaddeus grunt.

"It's nice to hear you say things like that, though. It's as though my lack of sight doesn't mean anything to you." I shook my head. "I don't want to do anything. I want to stay right here."

"You are not defined by one feature, little love. No good for business if you were only checking the windows and forgetting the actual foundation of a building." His thumb brushed across my cheek before he leaned over to pecking my lips. "As you wish, my lady."

I squirmed a bit at that, giddiness causing me to smile. I did not think he meant that as the character in The Princess Bride, but the very idea he might be hinting at some hidden message caused my heart to swell. I wanted to put my arm around his abdomen, but that would require me to let loose of the blanket, and I was not about to do that.

My giggles and squirminess seemed to encourage him, for he growled playfully and nipped at my ear. My half-hearted swats against his chest to get him to swat only caused him to chuckle as he captured my hand with his. He murmured into the side of my neck, "Oh, come on, I'm an awesome narrator. Admit it."

"You always tell me I'm a terrible liar, so..." I grinned and shrugged, transitioning quickly into a squeal as he poked my side. I loved this side of him. The side where he lost his professionalism. The side where he seemed to release his worries and become carefree for a few blissful moments. Something told me this side of him only came out with me, but of course I could not be sure unless I asked.

I did not want to, ask, though, and I did not think I needed to. Because I knew in the depths of my heart that my intuitions were true. I shifted, lowering my head to rest it in his lap. My ear was against his thigh with my face toward the wall across the room. When Thaddeus's hand settled comfortingly against my arm, I sighed and closed my eyes, allowing myself to drop all my walls—at least the ones I knew existed; there were more probably more subconscious ones—and relax completely for perhaps the first time in my life. I did not fear what Thaddeus might do because I knew he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. He only wanted to protect me. The silence which settled around us was not uncomfortable by any means. For the first time in so very long, I felt absolutely no fear.

Instead, I just felt...well, I felt loved.

"I truly don't know how I got so lucky," I said, my fingers wrapping the blanket closer to me to hold in the warmth. "You make me feel brave. Safe. Secure. I've felt similar feelings with Joey, but this is...really different. And I can honestly say I've never felt like this before."

Thaddeus's hand tightened on my arm then let go as he began drumming them individually against the blanket. I would never have thought such a simple movement to be as soothing as it was; it was almost as effective as him brushing his fingers through my hair or rubbing my back. His hands were magical, I had recognized that a long time ago. He made me feel new things, things which I originally feared but now felt that I could embrace. I had admitted to myself that I loved him. I knew that, but his care for me tonight only made that sentiment swell in my chest. I usually could not go to sleep again after my nightmares, but with Thaddeus beside me, I thought that might actually be possible. Having Thaddeus...I did not just have to push away my fears, because he completely eliminated them.

I had almost settled into a light doze when Thaddeus spoke. The drowsiness immediately disappeared as my eyes opened.

"I love you."

Had I just heard him right? I pushed myself up so I could be at about eye level with him. My legs were across his lap, and my brow furrowed. Joe and Kat were the only ones to ever say that little three-word sentence to me, but it meant something different when I heard them from them. Outside of my two closest friends, though, I had never heard them. Not from Marcus, Mitchell, or from my father. The conviction in Thaddeus's voice, though, told me he absolutely knew what he said and meant every single word. From the bottom of his heart, he did not feel this affection for just anyone.

He felt it for me.

He loved...me.

I had never said the words. I had obviously thought of them recently, but I had no idea if I would ever say them because it would be me admitting it aloud. It meant giving away a piece of myself, but Thaddeus had already possessed that piece of me for a long time. I smiled, my thumb rubbing his unshaven cheek.

"I...I love you, too."

Thaddeus did not immediately respond. Instead, he quickly flipped me under him on the couch, hovering over me, close enough to where I could feel his warm breath against my face. He laughed. A true, deep laugh out of the depth of his abdomen, and it only intensified when I squealed as he rolled me over so my back—still wrapped in the blanket—was up against the seat cushion of the couch. One of his hands held him up next to my head while the other was upon my waist. His lips tickled against mine as he spoke, his voice threatening in a teasing manner which caused everything in me to ignite.

"Say it again."

He did not treat me like a porcelain doll. Thaddeus did not pity me, nor did he show me any particular favor because of my blindness. He treated me and saw me for what I was—a woman, one who was most definitely in love—and not for what I was not. With his lips hovering like this over mine, it was exceedingly harder for me to think straight. A low, gentle chuckle bubbled out of my throat as one of my hands tracked to the back of his neck.

"I love you," I whispered. My other hand slid from his abdomen up to the collar of his shirt, fingertips barely touching the soft fabric as I moved them. I could feel his chest tightening under my teasing touch until my hand finally settled near the top of his sternum. I curled my fingers to grip his shirt in my first while simultaneously pushing his head downward with my hand behind his neck to place a passionate kiss on his smile.

He pulled away only slightly so he could speak again, "That's my girl."

Thaddeus's cheeks never rested, smiling—it felt so good to know he was smiling and that I had put it there—until he tugged at my lower lip before returning my kiss with a hard one of his own. He arched my back upward, and I instinctively responded as he wanted. I no longer cared about gripping the blanket; I had better and bigger things to care about.

Plus...I wasn't exactly cold anymore.      

//THERE YA GO.  I'm going to eat dinner now. ;)