Learning How to Bend

December 17 - Part 2

//You know, it'd probably help if I moved scenes along faster, but these things are important to me!  I can't rush these things!  Anyway, moving on...

We ate the meal mostly in silence, outside of me asking several questions about how he had spent his day and how everything had gone. Usually, Thaddeus kept his responses to any of my questions precise, yet this time he went into more detail. I would never complain; I loved the sound of his voice, and it touched me how he wanted me to know about his day. Yes, it took me asking first, but that was how things often occurred. Once I got Thaddeus talking, he would do so willingly, but it was always a challenge to pry anything out of him when we first began conversing. He was worth it, though. I would take a few moments of hesitant silence for hours of talking which later occurred.

Not only did he want me to know, he trusted me. He did not tell me only the facts; rather, he explained to me some of his emotional responses to different interactions which had occurred. I never expected that from him. Prior to knowing him, I had always heard he was cold. Aloof. Indifferent, yet without an ounce of ambivalence. Now, though, I realized it was not that he was an emotionless, heartless bachelor with no interest in a committed relationship. Rather, before me, Thaddeus had no one to trust with his emotions. I did not judge him, nor did I criticize him except when he was being intransigent. Because I put my trust in him, Thaddeus realized he could put his trust in me.

We put the dishes in the dishwasher before moving to the u-shaped couch in the living area. I sat near the middle, alternating between clucking my upper arms and petting Chelise, who was lying behind my legs. She probably would be up on the lounge, but I doubted Thaddeus would want her potentially tearing the expensive leather. Thaddeus sat beside me and put an arm around my waist.

"You're sure you want to read it," Thaddeus said. It was not a question.

"I'm certain." My voice tremored.

I guessed he probably frowned at me, but he moved away from me nevertheless and moved to I did not know where. He opened a drawer then rejoined me. Prying my hands from my arms, he pressed the enveloped letter into them and released me. I took a deep breath, running my fingers along the seal. This was the last words my father had for me. Had he written it before or after our phone conversation? Did he suspect from my tone that it would be our last one?

"Liliana."

I turned my head slightly in Thaddeus's direction.

"You're biting your lip again."

I offered him a grim smile before tearing open the seal. I unfolded the paper and felt its smooth surface with my fingertips.

Smooth.

Which means he had written it rather than having someone transcribe it into Braille.

I held back a swear.

"I can't read it," I said.

Thaddeus kissed my temple.

"But you can."

"You want me to?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"You'd rather it not be Joe or Katherine?"

"No, I want you."

He nodded and took the one-page letter from my hands. While one of his hands held the letter, the other intertwined fingers with mine in comfort. I never would have believed him to be the kind of person to initiate the physical contact, especially considering how much he was opposed to it what felt like nearly a lifetime ago. Thaddeus knew, though, that this was going to be especially hard for me, so he was doing what he could to make it a little easier.