Learning How to Bend

December 2

//Shorter one this time!! After this, I make no guarantees regarding daily postings...but I'll see what I can do!//

I did not know how long I was alone.  It could have been five hours or five minutes; time suddenly meant nothing to me.  I heard the deadbolts turning, and the door opened, but I did not turn around on the couch.  I had my face facing the back cushions, and I decided I did not care enough to see who it was.

I heard two sets of feet before the door closed.

Both Joe and Kat.

They had left little Elizabeth at the hospital for me.

Fresh tears filled my eyes.

Katherine crossed the room and sat down about at my hip, hand resting on my side.  She eventually went to my head and sat, me moving so I could rest my head in her lap as she brushed her fingers through my hair.  She hummed a few lines of music, although I could not recognize the tune.  I just knew she and Joe were both here with me.

"How'd you know to come?" I asked.

"Thaddeus called me," Joe said, sitting on the edge of the couch near my feet. "You know I didn't have the best opinion of your father."

"I know."

"But I'm still so sorry." He put his hand on the side of my leg, near my knee.

I nodded.

"Do you want to know something good?" Kat asked me.

I nodded again.

"I think I saw Elizabeth smile today," Kat said.

"Really?" A smile pulled at the corners of my lips.

"Yes, I think so.  It might have been my imagination, but I swear I saw it.  I was talking to her about her Auntie Lily and how much I couldn't wait for my little Eliza to meet her."

I gave her a sad smile.

"I need to look at flights," I muttered.

"I think Thaddeus already has," Joe said.

His personal jet.  I had forgotten he had one of those.  I nodded half-heartedly.

"Do you have any good memories of your dad?" Kat asked.

"Not really," I said. "He tried to call me, but I dismissed him.  I didn't listen, and now he's gone."

Kat continued running her fingers through my hair. "He knows you cared for him, even if you never said it.  I don't doubt it.  It's just who you are.  You show your love not by words but actions."

I nodded.  "I guess."

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to, Lil," Kat said. "We're here to help you however we can."

"What about Elizabeth?"

"She'll be okay for a while.  She's in the capable hands of the doctors and nurses in the NICU," Joe said.

"Thank you for coming," I said.

"You're welcome." That came from Katherine. "You're still in your work clothes.  Let's get you back into something more comfortable."  She encouraged me to shift on the couch, which I eventually did.  When she took both of my hands and pulled me upward, I followed her willingly to my room.  She pulled a soft t-shirt from my drawer as well as Joe's old sweatpants and laid them on my bed.

I took off my jacket, slacks, and shirt and left them all on the bed.  I moved almost mechanically as I pulled on the sweatpants and the t-shirt over my head.  I almost forgot about the shoes on my feet, but I kicked them under the bed and left them there before exiting my room.  Kat took my hand and squeezed it in hers before walking with me back out into the living room and depositing me on the couch with Joe.  It was Joe's turn to hold my head this time.  Kat was in the kitchen, moving around.  I heard her pouring something into a pot, which she heated on the stove.  None of us said anything until Kat came back into the living room and encouraged me to sit up once more.  She put a coffee mug in my hands, and the scent of hot chocolate wafted up into my nose.

"Thank you," I managed.

"You're welcome." Kat sat on the other side of me so I was sandwiched between her and Joe.

I took a couple sips of the soothing drink, hardly caring that it was still hot enough to burn my tongue.  After a few swallows, I leaned forward to put the cup on the coffee table and put my head on Joe's shoulder when I moved to rest against the backrest of the couch.

"He remarried, did you know that?  A woman named Susan.  I've had a stepmom for who knows how many years, and he never told me."

Joe put his arm across my shoulder and squeezed.

"Her name is Susan." Had I already said that? "I don't know anything else about her, but I can tell she loved him.  I'm looking forward to meeting her."

"Do you need me to go with you?" Joe asked.

"Thaddeus is going." I shook my head.

"I know, but do you need me to go, too?"

"No, you need to be here with Kat and Elizabeth.  I'll be okay."  I paused. "It'd probably be better for you not to be there, too..."

"Am I missing something?" Kat asked softly.

"Joe punched my dad in face once.  Broke his nose."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"It was a long time ago," Joe said. "But Lily has a point."

I nodded.

"I don't really want to leave you in the hands of Thaddeus, though.  You're like my little sister, and it's hard for me to let you go," Joe squeezed my shoulders again.

"I know," I said. "I think it'll be good to have someone there who didn't know him...or anything that happened.  My dad asked me to provide a eulogy."

"What are you going to say?"

"Some of the truth."

"You're ready for Thaddeus to hear that?" Joe asked, concerned.

"I don't know.  What choice do I have?  I can't do it alone.  I can't.  I'm not strong enough."

Joe kissed the center of my forehead. "I know."

"Can you both stay tonight?  Please?" I asked.

"Of course," Joe answered for them both.

"I'll stay back with you," Kat said.

"Thank you," I said. I did not know what else to say.

"You're more than a friend, Lil; you're family.  Families help each other.  No 'thank you' necessary," Joe said. "I'm going to go get you both some chicken noodle soup from that café down the street.  You're both going to eat.  Then we're all going to sleep.  I will keep Chelise out here so you don't have to worry about her.

I nodded.

Joe stood up after that.  Kat and I did not say a word the rest of the evening.  Not over dinner, not as all three of us broke apart the couch to pull out the bed for Joe to use.  Kat walked with me back to my room and got into bed with me.  I never said I wanted that from her, but she understood.  I was worried about having a nightmare.

I did not know what time it was.

It hardly mattered.

I tucked my stuffed dog under my chin and curled up into a ball.  Kat rubbed my back comfortingly until I fell asleep.