Learn To Live Again | Namkook

Chapter 22

Hoseok POV

Driving through the streets in hopes of finding our youngest friend, my mind is going wild as to where he could've possibly gone. The fact that he didn't take his car with him either makes this all that much harder.

Groaning quietly, I pull my car over off to the side and park it. I let my head fall into my hands as I try to think where the hell he would've gone from the fair.

"Think, Hoseok. Damn it, think!" I mutter to myself as I hit my head against the rim of the steering wheel.

I know the only places he would've gone are places that held meaning to him and Jimin. Those are the only places he ever goes when he needs to clear his head or think.

"Son of a bitch." I mumble with wide eyes as my head snaps up, suddenly realizing exactly the place he would've gone. With that, I quickly put the car in drive and start flying.

Fifteen minutes later, I arrive at the gardens that isn't far from the beach. It's only a fifteen minute walk away from there actually.

Not bothering to pull into an actual parking spot, I throw the car in park and hop out of my car. Running down towards the gardens, my pace slowly to an extremely slow walk as I finally spot him sat on the ground right in front of the lake.

Looking around the place, we're the only two here. The gardens is essentially a small park, except there's a dome-like ceiling that's just covered in flowers. It's an actual ceiling of flowers. The edge around it has tons of bushes with flowers all over and little fairy lights and small paper lanterns hung around to provide the lighting.

Frowning worriedly at the boy sat near the small lake, I begin to make my way over to him. He doesn't bother to look up at me when I reach him, though I know he's aware of my presence. Sighing quietly, I sit down next to him, finding tears still slowly slipping down his cheeks.

"I'm scared, hyung." Jungkook whispers suddenly, his voice cracking as he speaks. Looking over at him, he still isn't looking at me but at the water in front of us.

"You know Jimin would want you to be happy, Kookie. Tae and I both could see you really enjoying yourself this evening with him." I tell him softly.

He remains silent, more tears falling as he stares out at the water. I decide to let him have his silence for a bit and wait for him to speak again.

"I don't know if I can do it, hyung. Even if I did, I..." He trails quietly. Though, he doesn't need to explain any of it at all. I know exactly what he's talking about.

"Jungkookie, you can't base right or wrong off of what your parents always told you. Especially when it comes to your own feelings. The only person who can decide that is you. You saw how Jimin and Yoongi hyung ended up, all because of that exact issue. I know it's hard to open yourself up again the way you did with Jimin, Kookie, but... you can't keep everything bottled up forever. You know as well as I do that you do better when you have someone to be there with you and to go through things with you. Just like how Jiminie used to." I remind him gently, having to hold back tears myself as I speak.

It's been so long... None of us have ever even had the guts to directly speak about Jimin and Yoongi. Especially not around Jungkookie. Tae and I have talked about it a bit before, and we've talked about it with Jin hyung before. But somehow it becomes a million times more painful to try and speak about them with Jungkook. He was always closest to the two of them, so when they... it affected him the most even though he would never show it.

Within seconds, Jungkook is curled up in a ball as he begins sobbing. Biting my lip to keep myself from crying, I wrap an arm around Jungkook and pull him onto my lap.

It's the first time in just over three years since I've seen him cry. The first time since he lost Jimin.

"I miss them, hyung. It hurts so much not having them here. It's so much harder than I imagined it would be." He cries, holding onto me tightly as he continues crying.

His words make my tears finally fall, but I can't help but smile at the same time. He's had all of this bottled up since he'd found Jimin like that...

He's never once talked about it, unless trying to defend himself that he's doing fine by saying that he's staying strong and appreciating everything like Jimin told him to do. As painful as this all is right now, I'm proud of him for finally letting it out even if just for a moment, even if just once.

"I know, Kookie. I know. We all miss them, Kookie. If they were here right now, I'd be scolding them for having left you like this. I'm so sorry, Jungkook. It's gonna be okay though." I manage to whisper with a shaky voice as I hold him tightly.

"I'm so scared, hyung. I miss them so much but I don't wanna end up the way they did. It feels so wrong and terrible to say, but I don't wanna end up like them, hyung. But I miss them so much. I just wanna be fucking happy for once. I don't wanna keep hurting and always be alone anymore. I'm so scared, hyung. I don't wanna be left again. I don't wanna end up alone again." Jungkook sobs, his body shaking as his body struggles between the sobs to try and breathe.

"Shhh. I know, Kookie. I know. It's not wrong or terrible to feel that way, Jungkookie. It's gonna be okay. You don't have to be so scared, Jungkookie. I don't think he's that type of person and I think he needs you just as much as you need him. I know it's scary, Kookie. I know. But you've gotta take a chance at some point. It's gonna be okay, Kookie. No matter what, you're never gonna be alone. You've got Tae, Jin hyung, and me. I promise we're never leaving. It's gonna be okay." I mumble softly as I continue holding the poor crying boy.

His cries become harder and louder at my words, but eventually he slowly calms down. I don't know how much time passes before the crying ceases. However, I quickly realize that it's only stopped because he's worn himself out. He's cried himself to sleep...

Sighing quietly to myself, I carefully pick him up and begin carrying him back to my car. It hurts to know that he's cried himself to sleep, but I can't help but wonder if it might've been a good thing.

We all know he doesn't sleep much anymore. He hasn't since that night he found Jimin. I'm hoping that maybe since he's tired himself out enough to fall asleep, that maybe he can get some extra sleep for once.

Reaching my car, I manage to open the back door before laying him back down. Making sure he's as comfortable as I can get him, I strap two seatbelts over him before getting in the drivers seat and carefully heading back to his apartment.

Oh, Jimin and Yoongi hyung. I don't know if I'll ever understand why the two of you put each other through so much pain. I understand everyone has their reasons, but why did you have to leave our sweet little Jungkookie? Why did you have to hurt him and leave him so soon? He needs you both now more than ever and neither one of you are here anymore...