Learn To Live Again | Namkook

Chapter 18

Jungkook POV

As Namjoon heads off to his room, I smile to myself and walk over to the door to let Jin inside.

"Hi, hyung!" I greet him as I open the door for him.

"Hello, Jungkook! Where's Namjoon?" He greets with a smile, entering our apartment before we head over to the living room, sitting down where Namjoon and I were just minutes before.

"Hyung's in his room. He wasn't feeling too great about the idea of his doctor coming over to hang out with him. He's also kinda worried that you'll take him back to the hospital if you aren't happy with how he's been doing, so... Sorry, hyung." I explain with a small smile. He just returns the smile and nods.

"That's understandable, I suppose. I guess I probably wouldn't be super comfortable with that type of situation either. Speaking of how he's doing though, how has he been doing exactly?" Jin asks as I stand up to head into the kitchen which happens to be right behind the living room.

"He's been doing pretty well actually. Not insane amounts of improvement, but he's definitely on the right track and is moving at his own pace for getting better, I think." I answer honestly as I grab out two beers and bring them back to the living room, handing one to Jin.

"Really? You've already got him working to get better? I'm fucking impressed." He mutters, opening his beer and taking a drink.

"You really shouldn't be so hard on him, hyung. Don't be so quick to judge. Losing someone isn't something easy to get over. Any little steps of getting back to life is leaps and bounds for those who lost someone." I scold, taking a sip of my own. He sighs, nodding his head.

"I know, Jungkook. It's just a bit of a surprise. He was there for two years and never once took any initiative, never showed a single interest in anything other than writing, and he completely seemed like he lost his will to live. It was heartbreaking." Jin expresses. I merely nod.

"I think being out of the hospital is a bit help for him. Not having to be in a building that's nothing but sterile chemicals and white depression, it can do a lot of good for anyone in a lot of ways." I remind him. He frowns, but mumbles an agreement.

"You said he's doing better though. How so?" Jin asks curiously, causing me to smile.

"Well, he started college classes this past Tuesday. He's majoring in poetry specific journalism. He said that, out of the different types of writing, that poetry was what he liked writing best. We're also going to the fair tomorrow with Tae and Hobi hyung. He was the one who agreed for us to join them. So, yeah. He's been doing pretty well. Small smiles occasionally and he talks a bit more now than he did when I first met him and he's not remotely as cold now as he was then." I explain, smiling at recalling the conversations.

"Wow, Kookie! I'm really impressed. He really does sound like he's doing a lot better now than how he was doing before. I guess I did make the right decision in asking you to help him out." He says smiling over at me.

Namjoon POV

As I sit in my room, I ended up leaving the door open so that I'd be able to listen to their conversations even though I didn't want to be out there. Though, I'm not the biggest fan of listening to them talking about me.

I can't say I'm not glad I made the decision to leave it open though. It's nice to hear the praise even if it's not being directed specifically to me. And I'm definitely grateful Jungkook didn't mention about my little breakdown the other night.

"So I know one of the people in this apartment seems to be getting better. How's the other one doing though?" I hear Jin hyung ask. I frown at his words. Is he talking about Jungkook?

"I'm doing well, hyung. Honestly, I swear the three of you worry way too much about me. It's really not necessary." Jungkook answers with a chuckle.

"Jeon Jungkook, I hope you don't honestly believe that." Jin seemingly scolds. Now I wish I were out there so that I could completely know what's going on.

"Why? I've been doing well all along, and you know that. I had one small blip not six months after that and I've not had one since. I've still got my part time job at the café a few blocks away from the one where Tae works, though I haven't been to any of the dance classes on the weekends with Hobi since Namjoon came here. I've still been attending all of my classes in college, I graduated high school just a few months after that happened. I'm doing just fine hyung, honestly. I really don't get why all of you are so damn worried about me. You act like I'm fragile and could break at any moment." I hear Jungkook speak, his words making me frown.

What does he mean 'he's been doing well all along'? What small blip is he talking about? What's the 'that' that he keeps referring to?

"Jeon Jungkook, you know damn well why we're all worried about you. You may be the kindest, most caring, and sweetest person we all know, but you're also the most closed off person we all know as well." Jin remarks, sounding mildly upset.

"I am not closed off!" Jungkook exclaims, causing me to widen my eyes in surprise. Why does he seem so frustrated by this?

"Jungkook, when was the last time you told someone how you feel? The last time you told someone all of the things that go on inside that head of yours? When was the last time you allowed yourself to cry? The last time you genuinely let someone in? The last time you let someone help you instead of being the one who always helps others?" Jin challenges.

The entire apartment falls silent for a minute, and much to my surprise, Jungkook doesn't fight it. He doesn't deny any of it.

"None of that is important, hyung. I'm doing well and I'm staying positive and I'm staying strong. I'm staying healthy, eating appropriately and keeping myself in shape properly. I'm appreciating everything that's around me and everything that happens and everyone that I have, hyung." Jungkook says softly. So softly that I almost miss it.

"Kookie, you're forcing yourself to cut off certain emotions. You're bottling your thoughts and feelings up. You can't neglect your emotions and put yourself last every single goddamn time just to help everyone else. At least with Namjoon, we knew how he felt. If he was pissed, it was apparent. If he was tired, it was clear. You just put on this happy show for the world and pretend that everything is perfectly fine when in reality, you're still trying not to fall apart inside." Jin hyung speaks calmly this time.

The apartment falls silent once again for a couple minutes. The silence actually worries me, and I almost consider going out to check on Jungkook.

"If you think I'm doing so poorly and not managing anything properly, then why did you send Namjoon hyung to live with me and not somebody else who's doing better than me?"