Destructible (Harry Styles)

Breathin

Just keep breathin, and breathin, and breathin

One year. That's how long it had been since I had seen or heard from Harry. Twelve months and not one text. I stopped hoping around the sixth. I separated myself from the group at first, I couldn't bare all their questions and sad eyes. I was doing good. My hair was now a chestnut brown and cut to my shoulders , I gave up on the dark clothes and make up everyday they just made me feel more depressed. I felt like I was becoming the person I was meant to be here, finally getting the fresh start I was promised.
"You gonna eat that?"
I snapped out of my daze to see Rachel pointing at my untouched lunch
"Because if not my stomach has plenty of room" she continued. I flicked her off before taking a dramatic bite into my sandwich
"Mmm so good" I teased causing her to return my hand gesture and make Amy laugh.
Rachel and Amy were my friends now. All we did was hang out together, they were the definition of true friends, the kind that make you a better person because you being happy makes them happy.
"You know Kristy I was thinking that you could throw a party this weekend. We haven't been drunk in forever and I hear there's these illegal races and with your mom and her bank being gone-"
I stopped listening after she mentioned the races. I hadn't told them Harry used to race and my mind wandered to the familiar place of sadness it does when he entered my thoughts. I hate him so much, hate him for what he did to me, hate that I actually allowed myself to care"
"Kristy!"
I was snapped out of my thoughts once again.
"What is up with you today?"
It didn't help that today marked one year since he had left but there was nothing more for me to dwell on.
"Sorry I'm so tired I keep almost falling asleep" I lied "yeah sure I don't care if you want to throw a party"
The rest of lunch was centered around who to invite and planning a trip to the mall and by the time the day was over I was practically running to my car. As soon as I was in I bucked up and attempted to fled the scene so I could go home and sleep away the agony of this day when I suddenly jerked forward. I whipped my head around to see I had hit someone
"This day just gets better and better" I mumbled before unbuckling and stepping out
"I'm sorry I wasn't looking-" I started before freezing .
"Well look who it is"
I stared blankly at Perrie internally sighing. I felt bad about the way our friendship ended, me casually drifting away and ignoring all of her and El's efforts to be there for me. I couldn't keep myself from rolling my eyes when Carly stepped out of the passenger seat
"You still tryna kill me Kris" she joked shooting me a fake smile
"It's Kristina" I snapped before turning my attention back to Perrie. "Look I wasn't looking it was a honest mistake text me your insurance stuff and we can figure it all out ok?"
"Oh your phone works now?" She instantly shot back. I couldn't help but look away. I deserved this and I knew that but today was not the day.
"Can you just move out of the way Perrie I already told you to contact me about your car there's nothing else to talk about"
"Clearly. Don't worry about my car"
With that they got in and pulled off. I leaned against my car for a moment allowing myself to close my eyes and breathe for a second.
"What was that about?" I looked up to see Amy walking towards me taking it upon herself to hop in. I sighed before getting in too
"Nothing just catching up with old friends" I sarcastically mumbled before pulling out successfully
"You know we've talked about this. You can just apologize and get your friends back" Amy suggested "I know sometimes you miss them"
"I know but it's not that easy and I don't want to move backwards. I messed up and now I'm moving on"
"I'm just saying, it doesn't have to be this way. You vs. Them. You practically go running in the opposite direction whenever they come around"
"Amy I really don't want to talk about it right now I've had enough of a reminder of what used to be for one day"
I didn't mean to sound harsh but all I wanted was to be alone and be left alone today.
"I know what today is to you too"
I didn't look in her direction as I turned down her street. I could feel my eyes wanting to water but I blinked the sensation away. I was almost home I just had to make it.
"It's okay to admit you miss him too. As much as you hate it and him"
With that she got out offering me a small smile and I couldn't help it. The second she was inside the door I let my head drop into my hands and I sobbed. A year later and I still felt so much. I picked up my phone and did what I knew I shouldn't. I played the voicemail back for the hundredth time.

After a nap and a shower I felt rejuvenated. I was not going to let this day be a thing. I walked downstairs and opened the door for Matt. Matt was  my boyfriend,  I learned with Liam not to date someone for only their benefit of comfort but Matt was good to keep around. We met during a football game and he just stuck. He was with me through the "dark times" and I cared about him way more than I would ever admit. I don't know what I would do if he ever left me, a part of me felt like I needed him to stay sane. He listened and understood about everything I go through. Whether it's my mom or school or even my old life.  His dad was a pastor but they were nothing alike.
"Hello beautiful" he greeted planting a kiss on my lips. I smiled before leaning in again. That was another great thing about him he was so reassuring.
"Come" I directed him towards the couch plopping into his lap and kissing him again "you weren't at school today mister" I pouted in betweeen kisses
"I had to help my mom she had a bad day"
I couldn't stop myself from frowning. Matt's mother was sick. She had skin cancer it was constantly taking a toll on her body. Matt didn't like talking about it but I knew how much it weighed on his heart.
"She's getting worse Kris and my dad seems to think all we need to be doing is praying. We need to be getting more options okay? We can't just sit and watch her disappear in front of us! I can't lose her Kris I swear to god if I do I will kill my-"
"Don't finish that sentence" I interrupted "Matty you can't think like this or talk like this. You're mom doesn't want that anymore and you have to respect it. If she believes praying is the answer right now then pray. Pray everyday all day if you have to just give her a peace of mind baby"
He sighed before hugging me closer "when did you become the one who gives advice here" he joked kissing the top of my head
"Well I have to be good for something not just my good looks" I joked back leaning in to kiss him again. Afterwards he just stared at me, his hand coming up to cup my face
"I love you Kris"
A small smile formed as I leaned into his hand. Something about the way he said those words always let me know he meant it.
"I love you too"

We spent the night watching a stupid Netflix show and sharing kisses. It was sweet to feel loved, the right way. I fell asleep to the hum of the television and Matty stroking my hair.

School the next day was boring. Amy and Rachel were still going on about my party and I wanted to call it off just to get them to shut up. During my office period I was playing on my phone when Ms. White came up to me.
"Caught again Ms.Black." She scolded shooing my phone away "there's a new student up front I need you to enter into the system and print out their schedule. And show around if you're not busy which clearly you aren't"
I sighed before standing up "anything else? Or do I just keep doing your job for you"
I laughed as she tried to hit me with a rolled up stack of papers and walked to the front. I picked up the form where the new student had signed and sat at the computer
"Okay let's get this started.." o trailed off checking the paper then reading the name aloud
"Harry Styles"

Keep on breathin