Shrek x Thanos

Chapter 6

In any typical fairytale, the story would go like this: the bullet would ricochet off the railing and hit Matt, Shrek would fall and be knocked unconscious but Thanos would go down and bestow upon Shrek a 'kiss of true love', waking him up. In that reality, Thanos and Shrek would live happily ever after. But this is not that reality, and this is what truly happened:

As Matt fired the bullet, Shrek's grip slipped and he fell. While falling, a sharp searing pain shot through Shrek's back. The bullet hit him. If Shrek and held onto the railing a little longer, the bullet would have missed, ricocheting off the railing. Matt had never fired a gun before, so his aim was way off. But Shrek fell at the wrong moment, right in front of Matt's bullet. Shrek hit the ground. Unconscious from a gash on his forehead, bleeding from the gun wound in his back, and to add more pain and suffering, a broken leg. All the while, Thanos stood in the balcony window, an expression of horror plastered on his weary face. It was early morning, and Thanos wasn't thinking clearly. His mind refused to put the pieces together, and it was as if the world was distorted. Thanos felt so dizzy. The voice in Thanos's head wasn't speaking, it was screaming. A continuous, loud, high-pitched noise, wracking Thanos's head. He pressed his hands up to his ears, running from the room and down to the hotel lobby. As Thanos burst out the lobby doors he rushed to Shrek's aid, the voice now a repetitive siren, echoing for help.

"Shrek, Shrek! My Ogre, Shrek, please! Please be alive. Wake up!" Thanos looked around for help or a sign of what happened to his beloved ogre, fragile tears resting in his cold eyes. His heart would be shattered if he woke up the next morning without Shrek by his side. He felt like the Avengers did when he beat them in the Infinity War: lost, confused, suffering. The sight of Shrek all scratched and bruised appalled Thanos, he had to do something. He couldn't use the stones because he didn't dare risk disintegrating Shrek. He had to think quick, for with every second wasted Shrek was slipping further away from life. Suddenly Thanos remembered something he had learned about ogres from his daughter. About healing them. Thanos pounded on his head, willing himself to remember.

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"Daddy," she had said, "d'you know onions heal ogres?"

"What?" He had laughed, "I doubt that, Gamora."

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The memory fled as quickly as it came. Disappearing into Thanos's dark thoughts. There was no time to cry over his daughter. Thanos had lost her, and he would not lose Shrek.

"Hold on," Thanos whispered soothingly. He stood up and sprinted to the Poison Apple, which was only a few metres away. Throwing open the doors, panting amidst the sorrowful tears, he toppled over to Matt, who was standing at the bar.

"Give me an onion! Now! Now, now, now!" Matt stood statue still, taking shallow breathes and praying Thanos was oblivious to the obvious gun lying amongst the dusty glasses.

"What- Matt, what are you waiting for, get me a damn onion!" A peculiar request, Thanos knew, but he did not know Matt knew why. Matt had the upper-hand. Thanos would do anything for Shrek. Cogs whirring inside Matt's brain, he sub-consciously picked up an onion, tossing it between his sweaty palms.

"You need an onion?"

"Matt, give me the fucking onion!" Matt smirked at Thanos, a gut-wrenching smirk.

"Looks to me like you really need this pathetic onion. I-"

"Matt, please, I'm begging you." Matt studied his situation, questioning the possibilities and outcomes in his brilliant mind. He observed Thanos, begging, pleading. How pathetic he had become after spending only several hours with that blasted ogre.

"What will you do for this onion?"

"Come on, man! It's an onion!" Matt raised his eyebrows as if taunting Thanos. Thanos could see this wretched man was not joking. "Fine, what the hell do you want?"

"One night."

"Of what?"

"You."