Caught (Sangwoo x Reader)

12: Talk It Out

"I haven't been sleeping very well. Could you renew my sleeping pill prescription?" You inquired to Dr. Park.

"Temazepam, right?" She took out her pad and began scribbling.

"Yeah..." You looked away from her, embarrassed.

"Not a problem. Have you tried meditating? Any other measures for sleeping?"

"Does alcohol count?" You laughed.

"Not funny." She didn't even look up until she finished signing her name.

You stopped laughing.

"Well, I did write another letter last time and it did help me fall asleep. I wrote about not being able to sleep and why it was his fault and how angry I was about it. I felt a little bit better after. I didn't really get much sleep, but the anxiety was less and I relaxed in bed for a little bit." You admitted.

"Did you send that letter?" She asked, handing you the paper.

"Yeah... I feel like that's important to me. Like, it's me making him listen to me. Even if he really isn't."

"Well, I suppose as long as it's one-way, there's not too bad of a risk. Please, just keep it that way." Dr. Park sighed. "You know he's likely a very manipulative person."

"Evil. Just evil to the core." You shook your head. "So I don't even want to talk to him. I just want him to listen. Really, I promise, that's all it is. If I could force him to just sit and listen to me, I would do that-- that way I know he's hearing me."

"Those are some really intense feelings, YN." She pointed out. "Why don't we try and process them a little bit. So why is it so important that he hear you? What do you need to tell him?"

"Well, so far, in my letters I've just been telling him that I hate him and fuck him and how he's hurt me and screwed up my life. I just want to make sure he knows."

"And if he's read even one of your letters, do you think he knows now?"

"Well, yeah, I am pretty sure."

"So, why send more?" She pushed. "If he's gotten the message you wanted to send, then mission complete."

"Well, maybe I just want to make sure he never forgets what a piece of shit he is." You crossed your arms.

"How about you might be taking him hostage in your own way? How does that sentence make you feel?" The doctor crossed her legs, mirroring you.

"I feel fine about it, although I didn't think about it that way. He deserves everything that comes to him."

"But does that make you as bad as him?" She pushed further. "I want you to be careful of the path you're tip-toeing down. You don't need to get revenge. He's being punished."

"Not enough." You huffed. "But I know what you mean, I guess. I'm not going to harass him... I'm just sending him angry letters. I feel like that's within my rights. He did some awful things to me."

"And no one is denying that. I just think you should be careful about your coping strategies. Maybe try yoga. Mindful meditation. Painting. Something that doesn't involve your trauma." She gently patted your knee. "It would be healthier."