Thoughts of the Day

12-27-18 3:20AM

Just to clarify why I'm doing this. I am using this as a way to clear my head of things I don't tell anyone or don't wanna bother anyone with. The end goal is to get to the point that I can tell someone what is on my mind without hesitation. You can view this however you want, I will continue on updating this for as long as I need. Feel free to give constructive criticism, everything is welcomed. I am going to begin this with what has been on my mind here lately.

I feel like I need constant reassurance. I can't help but compare myself to the people in your past. I look nothing like them, and that has been bothering me a lot lately. I know my character does not match with theirs, but it's always on the back of my mind. I couldn't exactly tell you how I feel about this. Hopefully, I can talk to you about it tomorrow. I want to. But I feel like I bother you by constantly needing reassurance. I know you've told me in the past that it doesn't, but I've been trying to believe that. I don't even know if you know how I actually feel, I've attempted to talk about it once, but you stopped it immediately and it hasn't been touched since. Maybe that is part of the reason why I am feeling this. I am not complaining about you not knowing. I fully understand. It's a scary thought, especially if it has never worked in the past. Even just thinking about it ever working in the future is also a scary thing to think about. All I know is I am happy being in your life, I am happy about being your best friend. I want the best for you, and I want to watch you grow. I constantly tell you that, I constantly reassure you that I am never going anywhere, it doesn't matter what anyone says. You are my best friend. You know more about me than anyone ever has, and you accepted me, you continue to accept me. You are not phased by any of it. I may be dumb and clueless about emotions, so I'll need quite a bit of explanation, but this seems a lot like something for me.