"when you lose the love of your life, it doesn't matter if you're 13, 39, or 80. it's going to hurt for the rest of your life"
•••
it hurts. knowing that everything i love comes to an end. i learned that i'm not meant to love anyone. i'll just end up hurting myself and them. he was the first person i began showing my heart to, the first person to be there for me, care for me. he didn't deserve any of this. i was mad at him. it's my fault. i should've forgave him earlier, i shouldn't have denied him giving me a ride to school, i should've listened to him! when things got messy i just left like the pathetic person i am. when things get out of hand, i leave. and that's what i did. i left crying, being selfish, leaving him crying in the middle of the school hallway when he fixed me the day my father beat me and that's how i repaid him? i'm disgusting. he made me a better person, he made me understand the feeling of being loved and i just left him when all he wanted was not to lose me and i ended up losing him.
•••
everything had happened so fast, too fast. they took him out of my arms and left. i was there crying, embraced into hayden's arms. after that, i had to see him. i just had to but i couldn't. i didn't know anything, where they took him, how to find him, how to see him. lauren is too depressed about the situation, i don't blame her, that she logged off all social media and stopped going on her phone, at least that's what jayden told me. all i ever wanted was to see him, see him at least once.
•••
it's been three months since that incident. he's been in a coma since and my heart has been broken ever since. i'm not the same as i was when i was with him even though we were nothing but friends. life update. kenzie and hayden have broken up, my father has been home a lot since and has beaten me more and more by the week, carson decided to wait for johnny to wake up to have the party, lauren is crushed and torn, luckily she has carson by her side, kenzie stopped hanging out with jayden, etc and began hanging out with the cheer team, hayden has been checking up on me everyday seeing how i'm doing and so has jayden. i've been a wreck. i don't know what i'm doing. i'm just, broken.
•••
it's friday, december 1st. 4 days until my birthday, aka not an important day. it's just like every other day. it's time for school and luckily my father isn't here, he left for another 'business trip' in god knows where. i overheard him on the phone before he left, i guess he'll be gone for 2 weeks or longer. i'm so glad he won't be here when i'm turning 16 but i'm not glad that the person i want to be here, who won't be there.
i got ready and dressed, looking like this:
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
