"i'm still hoping it's
you and me in the end."
•••
annie's pov:
i woke up in my bed with a huge ass headache, like it was serious terrible. i look around and see that i'm wearing an oversized light grey hoodie and some pj shorts. how the heck did i end up in my bed and into these clothes? the last thing i remember is taking some shots with jay...oh no, i was drunk. i look at my phone with notifications that i've been tagged in on insta but i ignore them and check the time. '10:09a.m' shit i'm late for school! wait, it's saturday...i get up and run to the bathroom as i began to throw up. every time i'd throw up, my head began to pound harder. i stop for a moment as i hear someone running closer to me. i freak out and try to get up. he enters the bathroom as i cover my face.
"please don't hurt me, i'm sorry for not being here i didn't know you were coming home so fast"
i started throwing up again as the person started rubbing my back and holding my hair away from my face.
"it's okay anns, i'm right here"
oh, it's hayden...i hope he doesn't ask who i thought it was but at this moment i wasn't thinking about that, i was wanting to stop vomiting. after about 5 more minutes of throwing up. i cleaned my face and tried getting up but couldn't. hayden picked me up and carried me to my bed. he covered me up with blankets as the thought of my dad possibly being home when i was throwing up terrified me. lucky it was hayden.
"take those pills and drink that water on your night stand. i'll be back with some food"
i nodded and smiled as he left the room. i did what he told me then laid back down on my pillow. thoughts filled my head as i stare at the ceiling.
what did i do?
what happened?
how did i get home?
why did i get so drunk?
why is hayden being so caring to me?
where's jayden?
then, it hits me. john. he's still not awake. tears start falling as i wipe them away only leading to more going down my cheek.
it was all my fault. my head starts to pound once. why didn't i forgive him? twice, even harder. i don't deserve him. he deserves someone as amazing as him. third time, even harder than before. i never meant for this to happen. i run to the bathroom, throwing up non-stop for 10 whole minutes which felt like an hour long, pain going through my body each time i threw up. once i stopped, i cried. i cried so much. what did i do to deserve a life where i lost my mother, i lost my sister, lost my brother, gained an abusive father, a horrible school life, and possibly losing the most important person in my life? wait...i do deserve this, i deserve this life but the people who are in it don't deserve anything horrible that has happened to them. mom didn't deserve that. hayley didn't either. caleb either. johnny didn't deserve that. i deserve the abuse, i deserve the worst life possible i guess. my father is right. i am worthless. i am a piece of trash. i am a disgrace. i am the worse thing that has happened. happiness isn't even close to what i deserve, but why? why do i always feel like the most unnecessary thing in the world? the person who is the least amount needed. the person who isn't cared for and shouldn't be... but yet i am. from the two most caring people in my life. johnny and hayden. but why do they keep entering my life when there is millions of others who are so much better than me. you know what's crazy? how once all i believed in was that i deserved happiness? how i believed that i should be happy? having fun, living an amazing life, having a bunch of friends? now, i realize i don't deserve any of that but yet since i met johnny, i had that. i had apart of that. what i had was hope in life. now my hope has been gone, for over 3 months. i just want to see him smile again. laugh again. hug me tight again. just one last time, then i'd let him go. i'd let him go to find someone who'll make him as happy as he makes me. someone deserving of him. i'm just a waste of time. a waste of space.
