"you will always be perfect to me and nothing will ever change that."
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annie's pov
dear self,
i was never the same after that. should i tell you?
not yet. not now.
what i can say is, i'm new and improved. everything i once wanted to be was destroyed and no one can ever fix me. i'm not the same and never will be.
it's the 17 of december and we have 3 more days left until winter break. what am i gonna do? have fun, be crazy, be me.
let me catch you up so you aren't confused.
it's been awhile since johnny has gotten out of the hospital. i haven't talked to him at all, i haven't talked to anyone i use to talk to. not even hayden, jayden, or lauren. why? because i've changed. new me, new group and it's not exactly the type of group you'd think i joined. after the incident that happened the night of my birthday, i realized this might be the person i have to always be. my plans of going to college, not being like my 'father' are now not existent anymore. my group consists of me, anna cathcart, lilia buckingham, william miller (also known as will), tayler holder, and asher angel. the baddest kids ever, well, even before i joined they were still known as the worse kids on campus. since then, i've been different and man can i just say it feels good to feel alive? it wasn't easy getting into their group/gang. i had to do this stupid entry thing but of course that's a story for another time. anyways, hayden has been wanting to talk to me but he needs to realize that i'm not the person i use to be and to leave me alone already. so does johnny. i keep hurting people and being this way doesn't do that. my father also has stopped abusing me since i'm a 'bad kid' now so he's off my ass finally. ugh, i got to go to school. - i get ready & dressed into this:
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with my matching black 'gang' leather jacket that says 'east side' on the back with a snake & a sword. i put on my black slip on vans and went down to the kitchen to eat some cereal. while i was eating food and scrolling through insta, my doorbell rang. my father wasn't here nor he was coming back for another month or so and this time it's for sure he isn't coming back less than that. i rolled my eyes, turning off my phone, heading to the door to see who it was. surprise, surprise. there stood the one and only, summerall. "how may i help you summerall?" "can we talk now?" "why?" "i need to know why you're like this! this isn't you anns." "look, this is the new me. if you don't like it then it fine. i don't care. just leave me alone." "what about us? what about that night? did it mean nothing to you? did what you say even true?" "that night turned into my biggest nightmare. what we told each other, what happened after, happened for a reason. this is why. the universe wanted me to change. so let me be." "what i said that night...what you said that night...i never stop feeling that way towards you and no one will be able to change that even if i wanted to move on. no matter your change or what you become...you will always be perfect to me and nothing will ever change that."
and with that he left. i signed and closed the door. moments like those i wish i was the old annie but once the moment ends, i don't feel that way anymore. i can't do anything anymore, it's too late...or is it? i went from being invisible to relevant to someone's nightmare. what a transformation. this sounds like one of those crappy stories that are like a girl goes bad and then a boy changes her making her spill her horrible life to him and they end up together, falling in love, which you've probably heard at least once in your life time but don't get me wrong they are good. this isn't going to be like one of those stories because i'll probably never change. and with all these thoughts i forgot about my feelings for anything and anyone. i got my stuff and headed off to school. i plugged in my earphones to my phone, putting on 'swervin' by a boogie wit da hoodie, knowing every line of the song. - i got to school, ending my song 'skater boy' by avril lavigne, as i entered. i walked over to my locker as the lover boy of our group, asher, comes up to me, well to his locker. "party friday leblanc?" "i got to" he just looked at me and opened his locker. "heard from anna lately? says shes taking the lead this time" "of what?" "leblanc, are you out of it today? we literally talked about lilia taking the lead of what we are doing this week whether it's going to spray paint or ditching, etc but now anna is doing it, finally" "oh uh yeah just a ruff morning. um well finally she taking the time to actually choose and plan. she's usually too lazy" "yea. one day you got to" "nah, i leave that to you guys" "anyways, let's go hit it at our usual during lunch" "alright" the bell rang "see you then leblanc" he walked away as i sighed. not because of what we're gonna do just sighed because of what happened this morning...
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hayden's pov:
i miss her. a lot. word can't even describe it. she's...different. and i guess i'll never understand why. i've tried everything, every day. i hurts, seeing her this why. it's like she didn't care about me after that night. what about us? what about our feelings towards each other? did they mean nothing to her? doesn't she see i'm broken. she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. she's my...she was my... forget it. if she wanted me out of her life, why couldn't see tell me why? it's 100% more painful being abandoned knowing i wasn't even worth an explanation. i guess i wasn't worth absolutely anything to her. ⑅ ⑅ ⑅ the bell rung as i headed to class, one of the few i had with her. she was bad. she didn't care. and of course, she wasn't there. again. the teacher started role call and got to annies name. "annie leblanc? is leblanc here?" everyone looked around and nope. "the 3rd time this week, it's wednesday" she sighed as she marked her as absent. later during the class period she asked me to go get something for her at the storage unit that literally no one goes to, to get her these glass containers for this science experiment that we are doing. i have no clue what those look like because she said they where usual kinds but i went anyways. why? because i didn't want to be there. i signed as i opened the door to the basement also known as the storage room. i closed the door behind me and walked down the stairs. i saw and smelled...smoke? i reached the end of the stairs that led to a small hallway with a door at the end. i reached the door and opened it and immediately got hit with the smell of weed and saw a group of kids smoking. - "oh uh sorry i just to um get something and i'll be out of your way. i won't tell anyone" "ah, summerall. what a pleasure. wanna take a hit?" "tayler? um no thanks." "c'mon, one hit" someone comes out of this other door/room. "asher finally found the rest tayler, you hid it too high up so he could get it and neither could i." it was a female and she takes a hit, then we make eye connect. oh my gosh... it's annie
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sorry for not posting as much. too busy and i don't know what else to add lol. i'll probably end this around chapter 25 🥰 comment what you want to happen next 💘
