"the worst feeling is when you
don't want to give up on
someone but you know you have to"
↞ ♡ ↠
annie's pov:
he stopped the car, and what felt like my heart skipping thousands of beats. i turned and looked at him.
"look annie. i'm not going to be some toy you can just forget about one day and be all up on me the next. i won't have that. you're so selfish for wanting me back when YOU need me back. i'm not going to be here whenever you'd like to have me back."
"w-what?"
"i. don't. like. you. anyMORE."
"but"
he stopped me.
"no, i'm done with you and anything related to you. i'm not going to be that toy. now it's your turn to leave me alone. i don't lo-"
someone started to shake me a bit.
"annie...annie...annie wake up this is your stop"
i open my eyes all the way as i see my seat leaned back a bit while parked in front of my house, it was now raining. i guess that was a dream; yet, it didn't feel like one.
"are you okay anns? you look like you just saw something terrible"
i sniffed and sat up.
"yea, i'm fine"
"you don't look fine, talk to me"
i looked at the side mirror and saw my puffy eyes. it was like i cried for hours. i looked back at him as i started feeling the urge to just, kiss him. i looked at his lips then back to his eyes.
i couldn't.
i wouldn't.
i didn't.
i opened the car door and immediately got out. i closed the door as i tried to sped walk to my front door. i heard another car door open then close. halfway to my door i feel the need to look back, which i did. there we were. what i felt was like everything stop. we were the only ones on earth, the only ones here, both drenched. i walked towards him as he did the same then sped a bit connecting our lips to one another. it was like we both had this urge to finally kiss. moments passed, we slowly pulled apart and just stared at each other, breathing a bit heavily.
"how do you tell someone the reason you're sad is because you love them?"
i just looked at him, knowing it's of me. he continues.
"do i mean anything to you?"
"of course you do hayden"
"you don't even know"
a tear escaped his eyes and speaks once again, not knowing these are the last words we'll exchange to one another.
"i don't even want to get myself attached to you anymore, it only destroys me at the end yet the universe brings us back together somehow like 'it's meant to be' but for me it's just more pain."
⑅ ⑅ ⑅
[that night]
hayden's pov:
you have me everywhere. one day, you make me feel like you want to be with me then the next you want nothing to do with me, like if i don't mean absolutely anything to you. but yet, i fall for you because i love you. love is such a strong word yet an easy one to describe my feelings towards you. love. that one word could mean a million different things and end in many different ways. have you ever gone through a depressing love for someone who you know you'll end up getting hurt by but still continue to fall for them because it's so hard to detach from them? i hear a song and it makes me think of you. the frozen yogurt place, your favorite place, makes me think of you. movies and shows remind of how obsessed you were. pizza and taco bell remind me of your love for food. blankets remind me of all the times you'd come over and we'd just cuddle up in a blanket watching movies together while eating. you'd wear my hoodie and sweats that fit you too big but made you look so adorable.
i know that you're no good for me but it's worse without you. Even when i try not to want you, i end up needing you. you're my joy yet my endless pain. i wish you knew how bad it fucked me up.
i just wanted you to love me the way you said you did. i wanted you to see all that i was willing to do to get your undivided attention. i wanted to help you. i did everything i could to meet your expectations into reality. the real reality is a sad one. i was fooling myself because everything i did was for nothing. you didn't love me, and never will love me the way i thought you would. i guess i expected too much from you.
it may have been easy for you to walk away, but it wasn't for me. i gave you everything i could. i gave you time, love, honesty, trust. those weren't things i was able to give anyone else. except for you. but you know what's the funny thing about this? i'll always deny it but i still love you and always will.
my thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door.
"come in"
it was my mother who brought up some hot chocolate and a few homemade chocolate chip cookies. i was too sad too be in my apartment so i'm at my house.
"hey honey, i thought you'd like something to cheer you up a bit. you seem off today and it's okay, you don't have to tell me. just know, whatever it is, you'll be okay"
she smiled at me as she placed the plate and cup on my nightstand.
"thank you, so much"
i smiled at her.
"don't stay up too late, you have school tomorrow. and, your father and i are going on this business trip this weekend so you could go back to your apartment tomorrow unless you want to stay in this huge place"
she laughed
"we're leaving tomorrow while you are at school and come back the following week."
"okay that's fine, thank you again for the food"
she smiled and headed out my door.
"goodnight, i love you hayden"
"goodnight mom, i love you too"
and with that she closed the door heading to her room. what is happening to me...
⑅ ⑅ ⑅
annie's pov:
why i'm i like this? why do i continue to hurt the people around me? i'm hurting him. i'm hurting myself. the one person who was there for me during johnny's accident. johnny's accident... johnny. the person who first taught me how to 'love', he was literally the only one who wanted to be my friend, make me laugh, smile like never before. what happened to my feelings for him? is he hurting as much as hayden? what i did was so terrible...how could i just leave like that when he woke up when he never left my side when i needed someone the most? why did i leave him when he needed someone? i miss him. i miss hayden. i miss the old me...there is only one thing i need to do. to change things once again which could lead to the actions of my father towards me even worse than before, but
it's worth it.
•••
well that was interesting...
5 votes & i'll post another chapter immediately! 💜
