| Emma's POV |
Hiatus's aren't as exciting as every other YouTuber hypes it up to be. I expected to have a good mind set, a creativity flow and possibly a better diet.
W r o n g B i t c h a s s
"Emma when was the last time you ate something?" James asks making a scowl through FaceTime.
"No fucking clue" I laugh rubbing my temple "every time I stand up I go faint, so probably not for a while"
Truth is, I'm too much of a pussy to face anyone and even ordering a postmates means I have to come into contact with another human life and Im not ready for that yet.
I say yet, it's been almost two months.
"Emma, let me come round with food" James sighs, I know he just wants to help me but I had only just allowed him to hear my groggy voice "please" he begs.
Just at the thought of spending time with someone else riddles me with anxiety.
"James, i want to, you know I do-"
"Then let me" James fires, I scratch the back of my neck and glare at the screen, battling with my own demons. "We don't have to even talk about any of it, I'd just prefer if my friend didn't wither away"
I laugh but my eyes are glazed over, I'm in a trance again staring at the blank wall like I have been doing for the past month or so.
"James if you come-" my voice trails off as I glance at the camera with me projected on it "I look like a mess"
"You always do" he shoots and I gasp before his voice softens, "I'll be round in 15 minutes"
He blows me a kiss through the screen and I pretend to catch it before the line goes dead and I'm emotionlessly staring at my bare phone, the apps installed were all logged out of so notifications could ping through.
I still couldn't believe any of what happened that day, not the video or the spam of notifications that flooded through after it.
James knocks on the door three times before letting himself in,
"So you don't sister starve" he shouts throwing the in'n'out bag towards me, proceeding to do the same with his whole ass body.
I eat slowly even though I want to shovel it in at a rate of knots and James notices and offers me a sad smile
"So what have you been doing with your life?" He asks looking around at my room, i must look so fucking poor compared to him and his mansion.
"Drinking coffee and wallowing in self-pity" I shrug and he shakes his head and reaches out to take me into a side hug, I can tell that he wants to talk about it but daren't.
"I've missed you" he sighs when he pulls away and inserts about 20 fries into his mouth at one time. I'm not surprised, I bet he can do a lot with his mouth, if you know what I mean ;)
"I'm sure you have other friends" I giggle and he shakes his head,
"Nah, my brother went back home, the crew all disbursed for the holiday and the twins they-" his eyes widen and he stops himself "Emma I'm sorry I didn't mean to"
I intertwine my fingers, subtly crossing them,
"It's ok" I lie but I can tell he isn't buying it so I follow it up with a question "where did they go for the holidays?"
James seems pleasantly surprised with my question but tries to play it off,
"They went to their parents, they came back yesterday"
I feel a sudden surge of sadness and before I can stop myself my bottom lip begins to tremble and I burst into a sob
"Oh Emma" James coos bringing my head into his lap beginning to play with my hair and my eyes flood with even more tears. He used to do that to me too.
"I ruined everything" I blubber into James' trousers as he continues to hum to me "I'm so stupid" I cry, hitting the side of my head with my own hands as if it was going to stop the memories from flooding through.
Memories of Ethan Dolan.
"I hate myself" I carry on but James grabs onto my wrists and pulls me away from myself. His eyes are sad and he sighs at my broken state
"Emma, you didn't know that someone was going to post it, don't hate yourself for that" James says in a soft tone but I begin to shake my head vigorously
"No no no" I repeat, wiping my stinging cheeks free from tears with my sleeve "it's not-"
"What is it, sweetie? You can tell me" James brings his hand up to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear, giving me a look that my father would give me.
"I-I-I-" my voice quivers so I have to whisper it so that my voice doesn't completely break "I still l-love him"
"Oh Ems" he sighs finally understanding everything that has been running round my head ever since the video surfaced
"James" I croak and he looks at me with such sorrow "I never watched the last clip"
And then I break down in his arms once again.
