| Ethan's POV |
"E" sighs Grayson standing in my doorway looking down on me sat on the edge of my bed, head in my hands "you've gone all Christmas without saying anything, dude speak to me"
"What do you want me to say?" I reply back with the groggy voice I had now adapted from the many sleepless nights.
"I don't know" Grayson says sitting himself down next to me "anything I guess" he basically pleas and my sunken eyes flutter from the floor to my broken brother.
"I don't get how anyone got hold of the fucking video, Gray" I growl gritting my teeth.
It wasn't fair, everything I had worked towards managed to be shattered in a matter of minutes. No one wants to know about the Dolan twins, it's all about the damn video.
I can see Grayson slowly slipping into this sad state of mind, he's being forgotten by the fans and as for me, it's hard to even pretend to be happy while that's happening. My own brother, breaking because of me, that's enough to want to hibernate for the rest of the year.
And it seems that, that's exactly what happened to Emma. I hadn't seen her, James hadn't seen her and neither had any of her fans. She slipped away through my fingers, for the second fucking time.
"Bro I don't know how it got out either but what's done is done" Grayson tries to assure but I can see the pain behind his eyes
"You deserve better" I blurt and he furrows his eyebrows,
"E, your forgetting that being in the limelight is stressful. If anything good has come out of this it's that I've gotten a break" he chuckles, slapping my back with his hand and roughly pulling me into his side as a show of affection.
There's a horrible silence where I stay looking at my brother while his eyes wander my hurt face
"I don't get it, Gray, why didn't she come back to me?" I ask as my voice cracks and Grayson shakes his head with a pained face. I know he hates it when I get all emotional but I need to get all of this off my chest
"What if she didn't watch it, E" Grayson suggests and my eyes begin to water
"She's definitely watched it now, the whole world has" I croak closing my eyes to stop the tears from surfacing, every memory of us like the video I made, flood through my head "Do we know if she's okay?"
"James said that he called her and got nothing but a dead end" Grayson sighs running a hand through his hair
"What if something's happened to her, Grayson?"
I remember watching her sob over all the boys back in high school and how much it shattered me and now knowing that she could be in a worst state- because of me- ripped me into pieces.
"I'll text James now, ok? Maybe he can go round or something. But I'm sure she's just taking a break, don't stress yourself"
How could I not stress myself about this? If something happened to her I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
I find myself scrolling through her Instagram staring at her beautiful face, wondering how the fuck I ever left without telling her.
I feel crushed without her.
I never realised how much I needed her until I left and then I realised I was completely lost. Every day for years I hoped that she would watch the video I airdropped her that day but I guess she never did- or she did and she wanted nothing to do with me.
Then it dawns upon me that maybe she did watch the video and I meant nothing to her. Just at that thought my whole body crumples inwards and I let out an almighty sob
"Ethan" calls Grayson from somewhere in the house, his footsteps getting closer until he's stood in front of me "bro she's okay, James went over today"
My body springs upwards and i look at him with hopeful eyes but he shakes his head,
"He said she hadn't eaten anything, she's extremely skinny and um-" he scratches the back of his neck but I nod for him to carry on "she's fully heartbroken dude, hasn't stopped crying"
My throat turns dry and I have to blink away the tears threatening to spill,
"Can I go see her?" I ask with a shaky breath
"It'd be best if you didn't"
