(A/N for this one you're gonna wanna sit down, grab a drink, make some popcorn and get a FUCKING INHALER)
| Emma's POV |
"Ems what's up?" Sarah asks sitting at the bottom of Ethan's bed while I stay inside of the quilt trying my hardest not to sob "Ethan's worried and so is Grayson"
"I'm fine" I lie in a whisper and she sighs and reaches out to touch my leg "and I've told the boys that, I've told Lexi that and you. You all know I'm fine" I sigh and she sends me a sad smile.
"Is it's because Ellie went home without saying goodbye?" She asks.
"What?" I scowl "of course not" I shake my head and laugh a little but I have another wave of sickness so I stop myself from making such quick motions.
Ellie had in fact text me and apologised that she hadn't said goodbye. It sounds like they fled LA together- her and Hannah- when they heard about Aaron. Although I was sad about her leaving I definitely wasn't THAT bothered about it.
"Just know that we're all here for you and that if it's about Aaron we can get... help" she says placing her words carefully to try and not offend me.
I take a deep breath and rub my throbbing forehead, a headache of course, are we fucking surprised at this point?
"Sarah-" I whisper and her eyes flicker up to mine. I don't know why I ask it because it hasn't ever bothered me before, but now it does, now it means so much "-is Ethan ever going to ask me to be his girlfriend?" It comes out as a whimper.
"You're not his- I mean- wait, he hasn't already asked you?" She stumbles over her words in disbelief and I sniffle tears that haven't even surfaced yet "oh Emma"
"Like I get that I'm hard work and maybe he's not ready for it but-" I stop myself from blurting the last sentence and instead just stay silent.
"I seriously thought he already had, you act more like a couple than me and Grayson" she giggles but it fades and so does my vision because of the fresh tears.
She pulls me into a hug and I cling to her arm as I cry. Everything is going wrong, Sarah only knows the damn surface.
When she pulls away from our hug she pads away my tears with her thumb as she sighs,
"He'll ask you soon, I think he's just thinking about... how"
I know she doesn't know that for certain by the way that her speech wavers, but I admire her optimism and I just wish that I had the same mindset right now.
I hold myself in a hug but I end up sobbing a few more tears and Sarah has no idea what do and now I feel like I've put her in an awkward position. If I didn't think I could hate myself anymore, I was proved wrong.
"I'm just emotional" I try and laugh standing up from the bed, she does the same and rubs my arm as a comforting thing which I appreciate "I'm going to clean myself up" I state pointing to the bathroom and she nods and leaves Ethan's room.
I rush towards the toilet and slam the door shut and then I break down.
THIS CANT BE HAPPENING.
I slide down onto the floor and pull my knees up to chin and let out another sob, I cry and cry and cry until my cheeks burn from the tears.
With shaky hands and weak legs I manage to haul myself up with the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. I'm still blotchy with dark patches, but now it makes sense. I close my eyes and gulp down the sick feeling again and allow my sweaty palms to press against the cool sink surface.
I've seen it, I don't know why I'm still scared to look at it, it's not like it's changed.
With a deep breath and eyes pooled with tears I drop my head to look upon the sink where laid lonely in the centre just above the plug is the test.
The pregnancy test, with a positive reading.
My tears fall from my eyes, bypassing my cheeks, to directly fall upon the test inside the sink. My whole world is now dependent on that damn test, on whether the reading is true.
If it was my first one maybe I might've refused it- in fact that's exactly what I did. This is the sixth one, and no matter how much I plead to god for the past five to have been faulty, its simply impossible.
I feel so alone, so completely lost.
I can't bring myself to tell anyone for that would mean actually accepting that its real. IM NINETEEN FOR FUCK SAKE.
But it's got me to think, hell I'm not even in an official relationship. Then the thought of Ethan and him leaving me floods my mind and I cradle my own head in my hands as I sob extremely loudly.
The headaches, the nausea, the sick, the dark patches upon my face, even the fucking metallic taste in my mouth. It all lead to this, to this mess.
"Emma?" Whispers a voice from the door. I look up from my hands to look at Ethan as he stands at the bathroom door.
"Please just leave me" I cry holding my hand out as if it's going to stop him from entering.
"I'm not leaving" he says in this broken voice and it hurts my heart. WHAT IF HE FUCKING LEAVES ME "Emma please just tell me what's wrong" he breaks taking a step forward.
"G-Get away from me" I tremble but he steps forward "Ethan p-please"
He steps forward again and my heart rate starts to increase rapidly and in my panic I don't realise what I'm doing until my eyes flash between Ethan and the sink.
"Emma-" he takes his final step closer before his eyes follow mine to the sink and then back up to me as I let out the loudest sob yet, before crumpling on the floor.
He doesn't say anything, it's silent and I swear you could cut the air with a knife. I allow myself to peak through my fingers at him as he picks up the stick in his trembling hands. He turns to look down at me, his eyes glossy with tears.
"It's-" he cant even speak, a tear trails from his eye onto his cheeks "you're-?" His voice cracks.
I watch as he sits down upon the floor directly in front of me with this look of surprise, it's cute and I can't help but break a smile through the tears. He notices and he lets out this laugh through his own tears.
He places the test between both of us on the floor and he just stares at it until he finally speaks,
"This isn't a joke, right?" He laughs wiping a tear with the back of his hand swiftly and I shake my head as my bottom lip begins to tremble, "I'm gonna be a-"
"Don't say it" I say with a sharp intake of air.
He reaches out and pulls my head up with his finger upon my chin so that my eyes are attached to his and he smiles and I smile back.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" He blurts and I stop breathing, I don't know why it is such a shock right now considering things.
"You want me to be your girlfriend... still?" I whimper and he frowns at my comment.
"I want you to be my wife but I don't want to overload your pretty little head" he chuckles bringing his lips to my forehead and I linger there because his touch is so soothing "of course I want you to be my girlfriend, Emma" he finally answers in a whisper.
"Okay" I nod not knowing how else to form sentences anymore.
He taps upon his lap as a sign that he wants me to sit upon it. I crawl towards him and I bury my head into his chest as he cradles me. He begins to rock me soothingly back and fourth and after minutes he hums into my hair,
"My baby" he pauses "my babies"
