Love, Drugs and Cancer

Chapter 5: Uncovered Lies

"Who's Emily?" Cole asked me, sitting up on the rock and looking around.

"Get down!" I yelled/whispered at him, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him back down on the rock. 

Emily must've come to my room and realized that I wasn't there anymore. Does Dr. Smith know that I'm not in the hospital, too? Have they called my parents already? I closed my eyes, imagining my mother's panic, my father's concern. Imagining the test results. The same amount of cancer cells as when they started chemo. Maybe even more. Me still having cancer.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Cole whispered to me.

I looked at him. So many times, I thought about telling him everything. But I never could. I can't bring myself to look him in the eye and tell him all the lies. So many lies, from the big one about me volunteering with the children to the small one about sneaking out of my parents. Yet, lies are lies. And mine can't be counted on two hands. 

"I'm sorry, Cole, but I can't." I replied.

"What do you mean, you can't tell me? You can tell me anything and everything, Sam. I love you. Whatever it is, it won't change how I feel." 

He doesn't understand why I can't tell him. His words, although they touched my heart, changed nothing. I stil can't bring myself to tell him. I took a deep breath and braced myself for another lie.

"Emily is my sister. She knows about us. She told me that if I lied to  my parents again about volunteering when really, I'm with you, she would tell them. She's a nurse at the hospital. She probably talked to my parents, went to the cancer ward and realized that I wasn't there." Wow, what a huge lie I just told.

"And why couldn't you tell me that?" Cole asked.

"You would've made me go home." I said with a joking tone in my voice.

He smiled and kissed me, before sliding off of the rock. "Come on. Maybe we can sneak around her and get to the cancer ward." 

I smiled at him and slid off of the rock. For a second when I landed, a light headed feeling washed over me, but it was gone as soon as it came and I ignored it. 

"Let me go on my own." I whispered to him. "It will be easier to sneak around if it's only one of us."

"Alright." Cole said. He grabbed both of my hands. "I'll see you soon, right?" 

"Of course." 

We kissed before he went sneaking off in the other direction. I turned my back and snuck around through the park with ease, getting to the doors of the hospital before Emily saw me. Once inside, I ran up towards my hospital room, and crashed straight into Dr. Smith.

"Whoa, whoa, Sam." He put his hands on my shoulders. Again, I felt light headed, this time the sensation lasted a little longer. I closed my eyes and would've fallen if Dr. Smith didn't have his hands on my shoulders.

"Easy, Sam. Why are you out of bed? Why are you so dressed up?" 

 So Emily hasn't told him. Lie, Sam. I told myself. "My mom dropped off this dress for me. I decided I would try it on, and when I had it on I decided to go full out. I went to go find Emily to show her, but I couldn't find her. I was just headed back to my room." 

"Oh, good. I'll be there soon. We have test results to discuss, as soon as your parents get here." Dr. Smith replied before walking away.

Oh no. The test results. Just the thought made my stomach turn. Or maybe it was just the chemo. It's always hard to tell. 

I walked off towards my room, all of the worst case scenarios going through my head. Death, being the most prominent. The same thoughts that were going through my head at the beginning of the week.  But now, they seemed to be closer. This time, I thought of Cole. 

When I reached my room and was all changed, my parents showed up. I hugged both of them, they complimented me on how good I looked, although I just knew they were lying. The visit was extremely awkward. My parents hadn't visited much since I started my chemo. They couldn't get out of work and I didn't really mind. I don't want them to see me this way. I wanted them to remember as healthy, not the girl who's body is deteriorating. 

Dr. Smith walked into the room with Emily. She gave me a look. She knew what I was up to. I just smiled weakly at her and pretended that I didn't do anything and that everything was normal, aside from the cancer results buisness. 

"Hey Sam. How do you feel?" He asked me.

"Terrible." I replied, telling the truth for once. I saw my mom flinch at the blunt way I said it, but I ignored it. I can barely stand looking at my parents, anyways. I can't stand the sympathy in their eyes. I can't stand the heartbreak and the pain. It's one thing to be going through it myself. It's a whole lot worse thing to see your parents go through it.

"I have the results here." Dr. Smith sat down. "Based off of your tests, you haven't gone into remission. It's like we didn't even give you any chemo. In fact, there's a weeks worth of more cancer cells."

I still have cancer. I could see Dr. Smith's mouth moving, but none of the words were reaching my ears. All I could hear was this loud ringing, like a misquito. My entire body felt like it had fell asleep and now it's being stabbed with pins. I couldn't move. All I could do was think. I still have cancer. The cancer is worse.

The chemo didn't do a thing. The pain, the sickness, the lies to Cole. It was all a lie. None of it was worth it. I felt the tears in my eyes. I have to tell Cole. I love him. I can't keep this a secret. Everything is crumbling around me.

Everything went black.

"Sam, how do you feel?" Dr. Smith was asking me as I came to. 

I opened my eyes.  My parents were gone. Emily was gone. Only Dr. Smith stood in front of me.

"You're alright. You blacked out. It happens. Emily is discussing options with your parents in my office. I have to go, but don't be afraid to holler if you need anything." 

I nodded and Dr. Smith walked out. I sat up and cried. I just cried and cried. I ripped the wig off of my head and threw it to the other side of the room. Why didn't the chemo work? Why does it have to me?  Why am I the one who falls in love right before she dies? Why couldn't this have happened to someone else? 

I felt like screaming and screaming. I cried so much, I didn't even notice at first that there was someone standing in my doorway, with a solemn expresion on his pretty face, tears in his bright blue eyes and flowers in his hand.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Cole asked, walking over to the bed and sitting beside me.

"Because I lied when I first met you thinking that I would never see you again. That the lie wouldn't even matter and when I did see you again, I didn't want you to think I was a liar. Then I just dug deeper and deeper until it seemed like the lies would swallow me up."

Cole sat beside me on my bed and I cried into his shoulder for what seemed like hours. He was utterly silent. Not mad. Just silent. 

Once I was finally able to compose myself, I looked up at him and told him everything. All of the little details. When I was all done, I finished off with one more thing.

"And I'm going to die. Because the chemo did nothing."