oak trees // misfits

d e m o n s

this is more of a vent story, no ship
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the bitter taste of alcohol flooded john's mouth. he didn't want to resort to drinking, but when emotions got to the point where you felt nothing it became a habit.

he didn't know how to deal with his problems so he drank them away. of course they didn't go away for long, they always were back in the morning but at least he could push them away for a little bit.

life is tough, that's an understatement.

depression controlled his life. it was always there. hanging out with friends, there was always that nagging feeling that they didn't want him there.

these episodes came out of nowhere most the time, one point he's fine and the next he's stuck with unending sadness and no motivation.

the headache didn't help his mood either. the demons yelling scary thoughts at him caused migraines. it felt like if you set two really loud speakers next to your ears and asked someone to yelled through a microphone.

the silence was a killer too, it made the demons louder. but he couldn't find the energy to turn music on so he suffered in silence.

normally with episode like this he'd play happy music, as if he was trying to implant the damn emotion into himself.

after realizing the sadness he felt almost daily wasn't normal alcohol became his best friend.

he's became distant from everyone, uploading schedule had been off and he never answers anyone anymore.

john always felt like he was about to cry, but the numbing feeling made it so he didn't. john hated feeling like this but the sadness was almost comforting. who would he be without it?

why do feelings exist?

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<3