Beautiful Imperfections

FOURTY FIVE

"No shit! He didn't show?!" Janie's expression was everything at that moment. She was extremely disgusted and annoyed. Just like I was.

"He didn't." I answered and rested my back on her sofa. She was furious at that moment. "He brought up the idea and decided not to show? I would really kill him now."

"Babe just relax. I've gotten over it already. He must have his reasons for not coming. I don't know his reasons and I don't care. All I care about right now is how I disgraced myself in front of them...."

"Nope! You didn't! You expressed yourself and I'm really proud of you..."
I chuckled. "Janie...."
"Ya bitch! I am really proud of you! I like it b! So don't feel ashamed in any way. You rock."

"What's all the hype for?" I said laughing out loud and she joined me.

"I just want you to stop feeling bad for expressing yourself."

I nodded with a smile. "Aww. What will I do without you?"

"Nothing bitch." She said and sent kisses to the air. After that incident, I went straight to Janie's house. I was angry at first then I thought about it. He must have had his reasons for doing that so there wasn't any need to curse him.

The door bell rang and Janie rolled her eyes. "Would you get that for me please?"

"Lazy ass." I said and walked up to the door. I opened the door and stepped back out of shock. He stood right in front of me with his hair very scattered. He looked very miserable at that moment and he cleared his throat.

"Pearl."
"Trevor." I said after him. He looked at me for a while with a lot of emotions expressed. None I could interpret. Was he saying sorry? I wasn't sure but I could feel that moment by just staring. He didn't say anything but it was like he had said a million things already.

"Pearl. Who's that?" Janie asked from the parlor.
I didn't answer. Tears began to drop from my eyes and he looked away and back at me again.

"Was this your plan?" I asked him.

"No."

"No what? Why didn't you show up like everyone else? Are you even sorry?" I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.

"Please stop crying.." He said.

"You shouldn't say that." I fired back

"I'm sorry.....i made a mistake coming here. I'll just leave right now." He said and turned his back to go.

"Oh right!" I said out loud so he could hear and he kept on walking.

He wanted to just leave like that. He was right. His coming there was a big mistake cause it only made me more sad.

Janie hugged me from behind and said. "Just let him go." She must have been there for a while.

"It's hard."

"I know but he's not saying anything. We can't force him to."

I let myself out of the hug and ran up to him. "You are not going to just walk away like that. Why did you come here instead of showing up for the meeting? Oh. You felt bad and decided to come here as what huh?"

"An apology cant fix what I've done! The deed has been done. The only thing I can do is to rewind the hands of the clock and ensure that I never brought up that idea."

I shook my head. "No! Not at all. You've got it all wrong. When we make mistakes the only thing we can do is to apologize. To say we're sorry. That's something. You not saying sorry is all because of your ego. Don't try to make it look like an apology is a waste of time. You don't want to apologize cause you ain't sorry."

He put his hands on his head and then on my shoulders. "Look, because I didn't kneel and beg for forgiveness doesn't mean I'm not sober. I hate myself for what I did but I guess the best thing I can do right now is to stay away from you. I'll always remind you of everything that happened and that will only cause you pain and affliction."

"You were there." My eyes lit open and he looked away and back to me.

"I want you to understand that it's not pride or whatever fuck you call it. I'm just doing the best for us."

I removed his hands from my shoulders. "Your psychology sucks." It really suck but he was nothing but right. I hated the fact that he was right.

He nodded and kept on walking away. He had said it all and I completely understood. I guess that was a breakup. Hahaha. He made it clear that he didn't want us together so he wouldn't remind me of what he did. At first it didn't make sense but now it does. All those cliche movies where the boy and girl have to go separate ways because of some stupid reason made much sense to me. Now that I had experienced it.

Janie hugged me again and I cried on her shoulder. That will be the last time I'll cry because of him cause from now, I'm moving on. It would be really hard but that's what he wants for the both of us. Ya! All what we went through together has to be history now. The murderer, Ahneeka, everything! Everything was history for our own good. It won't be easy but I have to let that go. I have to let Trevor go.