Introverted By My Thoughts [✓]

Optimistic

Too much to say, no words to express them.
I'm mad depressed right now, trying to stay optimistic.
A lot's happening, but what I really want happening, isn't happening.
I call myself an optimist, with failure anxieties;
But it's really hard to stay one, when situation's trying to break you.

Right now, I'm not writing, I'm bleeding.

Punched the walls of my room so hard, in hopes that I'd cry.

I don't know how to take this out, when all I feel is anger.
I'm trying to stay focused that I'm sad,
But I just feel rage at everything, including myself.
I hope the doors of my rooms will forgive me this day, and every other day,
I've brutally taken it out on them with my scarred fists.
I feel stagnant, even when I'm not reluctant to move.
I feel the cells in my body, telling me to hate everything,
Including myself.
I wish tears were up for sale;
Maybe then I'd purchase a new tear-bag,
And permanently reattach it to my face.
I don't know what happened to my old one;
Maybe it doesn't work anymore.

I have struggled on my darkest days for them to come to my aid,
But constantly they refuse, literally to my face.
I don't know what road I should turn to,
When I see roadblock signals in all directions.

I am running out of punches to give.
I am running out of patience to wait.
Maybe if I just closed my eyes for a bit in death,
This would be all over.

But I can't lose to life;
Not after it has tested me this much.
Not after every breaking point it has put me through.
Not after all the hurt, my heart, body, and memory can't seem to forget.
I'm going to make you pay, Life.
I'm going to show you how your little games only makes me stronger.
I'm going to show you right to your face, how great I can become.
For every hurt I have taken account of,
You're going to pay back every Penny and more.
You just wait for me, Life;
I'm coming for you.