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Ch 13: Longing

The nightmares were worse than death. They haunted Kelly with her every dream. Every time she closed her eyes, the nightmares would start, reminding her of her abduction. She didn't let anyone near her, not even the doctors. She'd scream during the night, sometimes all night long, until she lost her voice. Soon enough, her screams became silent as she tired her vocal chords to the point of exhaustion.

Weeks this went on. She felt tired and sick all the time, but was thankful when her tests came back negative for her pregnancy. She cried when she heard the good news, laying back against her bed until she fell asleep.

Each day, Peter would visit. He'd come in and say hello and tell her what it was like outside. He'd tell her about the birds chirping, the wind rustling, and the cool breeze smelling of flowers.

He'd talk of the kids playing in the streets after dark, shooting hoops and playing hopscotch until their parents called for them to come inside. He tried to persuade her to look outside, but she never did. She refused to look and if he came close to her, she screamed. She was always nervous and watched everything every time someone was in the room.

One day, she was awoken from her nightmare by Peter and she freaked out more than usual. She jolted awake and started screaming, flailing and pushing him away.

"Kelly, calm down! Calm down, look, I backed off. I'm not going to hurt you, I just wanted to tell you something."

She stared, blinking and starting to calm down as he backed away.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you, but you looked like you were hurting..." his voice trailed off, "Anyway, I had to come tell you I'm going away for a bit, but I'll be back as soon as I can. It may take a long time and it may be quick, but I have to go."

She remained un-phased by this news, but still stared at him, her fingers and hands twitching with nervousness.

"Alright then. I'm leaving tonight, so I've got to go, but I'll be back when I can, okay?"

She stared, unblinking, until he nodded, "Right then. May I venture closer? I have something I'd like to give you."

Her guard went down a bit and she tipped her head to the side, "What is it?" she asked with what voice she had left.

"If I may...I'd like to give your forehead a kiss. Just your forehead, nothing else, I promise."

She didn't move and barely breathed as he slowly walked forward. She allowed him to come, but was still tightly gripping her shoe in her hand, ready to strike if he did anything.

But, just as he promised, the only thing that touched her was his lips as he barely touched to kiss her forehead. He stood and backed away just as slowly as he'd come and said, "I'll be back soon, I promise."

She watched him leave and as soon as the door had shut behind him, she let the tension holding her body upright go and she sunk back against her pillows. She coughed to clear her throat after realizing she had tears in her eyes. She didn't want to cry, she's done it so much, but it was different this time. It wasn't the same tears she cried when she was in pain or hurting in some physical way. It was tears drawn out by her heart. She had gotten used to Peter's company and now that he was leaving, she didn't want him to go.

She lay in bed, staring at the window all day long. She wished she had the strength and bravery to go over and open it up. She hadn't been outside for almost three years and frankly, she was terrified of leaving. She knew she was fairly safe where she was and she didn't want to leave.

The days that Peter was gone dragged by for Kelly. She was sad and lonely and found herself longing to open a window. She wished someone would offer, or just do it, so she wouldn't have to speak because it hurt her throat so much. slowly, though, her throat recovered. Slowly the pain went away and she was able to eat again. She didn't sleep much, hence the reason her throat was feeling better. She didn't feel she needed sleep because her days were filled with daydreams of her past conversations with Peter that she'd only half listened to.