icebreaker | nolan patrick

11

Fiona
Temple University, Philadelphia

It has now been almost two weeks since the last time I spoke to Nolan. Ashley luckily lives just down the street from my house so she has spent many hours in my room, watching chick flicks and going on late night Wawa runs.

I thought maybe he would text me. At least show a little remorse or an apology. But it's radio silence.

I've debated on texting Travis to just ask how Nolan is. But, I know that whatever I say to Travis will go straight through to Nolan. It's awful, but part of me hopes that he's been sitting miserably around his apartment, just like I have been.

I go back to campus in two days, on Saturday, and classes start on Monday. The entire break was a blur. I got to spend time with my siblings and old friends from high school, which was nice, but I had become so dependent on Nolan without even realizing it. I was sitting around my house all break.

As angry as I was at him that moment, and I wanted him to leave me alone, but I needed him to miss me as much as I miss him. The past few weeks have been absolute shit without talking to him and cuddling with him. We met on October third, it was now January fifth. Two days ago would have been three months since we met, and even since that day I haven't gone a single day without at least texting to him.

I'm kicking myself for getting so attached to someone, being so vulnerable to him and so dependent on him. I always said that I would never depend on one person so much that if we stop speaking it will affect my life in this way, but I did.

The worst part is I don't even know what really happened. I've been sulking in my own tears about something that might not be true. Sure, he didn't deny it but he didn't say yes. I never let him explain himself and I don't know whether he'll even give me a chance to hear his explanation.

I paused my Netflix movie and pulled up his contact, which I have since changed from
"Nolan <3" to "Nolan Patrick." I pressed the phone icon and it began to ring. It rang for what seemed to be forever, and I was sent to voicemail. I sat in my bed after that and cried most likely every tear I had left in my body.

____

Today was my first day back on campus. I hadn't seen Maddie all break because she went on a cruise for Christmas. It was really nice to see her along with Lindsay and Katie.

"I get if you don't want to go, but Travis is having a party at his apartment tonight. He said to at least invite you," Ashley said after greeting the three other girls, "You guys can come too."

I sat for a few seconds and thought about it. I hadn't drank all break because I was too busy being depressed, and I could really use something to distract me from my current situation.

"I'll go," I nodded.

They all cheered and since it was already nine at night, we started to get ready. I just put my hair in a ponytail and threw on a pair of white jeans with a black tube top. I reapplied my mascara and put on some lip gloss and we were out the door. Lindsay had work at 8 tomorrow so she drove because she wouldn't be drinking.

I heard the music from Trav's apartment from down the hall, wondering how long it will take to get a noise complaint. My heart rate sped up and I grew more and more nervous as we got closer to his door. I knew Nolan would be in there, he might have a girl with him, he might be just as sad as I am.