icebreaker | nolan patrick

27

Fiona
Nassau, Bahamas

"Fiona?"

Hearing that voice, Nolan's voice, sent chills through my entire body. It's been three years since I've heard it and man, hearing it just now made me realize how much I missed it.

Even though the sounds of his voice made every single nerve in my body go crazy, I knew that what we had was the past. It ended for a reason.

"That's my name," I said, sounding more scared than I had intended to.

He looked at me, standing about ten feet away. Half of me was saying to just get on the elevator and ignore him for the rest of the trip, but the other half was telling me the opposite.

"How are you?" He asked, fiddling with his hands and looking down.

I swallowed. Is this right? Should I just walk away and forget it ever happened?

"I'm good," I blatantly lied, "How are you?"

The way my question came out sounded more fake than I wanted it to. I did truly want to know if he was as broken as I was, but I don't know whether I can put myself through finding out if we can ever be the same as before.

He bit his top lip and didn't respond. He still hadn't met his eyes with mine, they were permanently fixated on his shoes.

I was breathing heavily, fiddling with my newly painted finger nails and bouncing from toe to heel. My anxiety skyrocketed the second I heard him speak, and it hasn't gone down since.

After a minute of silence, only the voices of hotel workers and guests could be heard from other rooms.

Then, I didn't something that I knew I might regret, but I know by now that any self control I have immediately disappears when Nolan walks into a room.

I hugged him. I took a few steps forward and wrapped my arms around his toned body. He jolted in surprise from not seeing me walk forward. He was stiff and caught off guard, but he soon relaxed and wrapped his arms around my petite body.

I breathed in his scent, smelling the same cologne as before. Just the smell brought back a thousand memories of the months we spent together.

We just stood there, wrapped up in each other's bodies, neither of us wanting to let go. Just touching him made me want to forget all the reasons we didn't work out and act as if these three years hadn't even happened.

"I miss you," He whispered, his cheek resting on my head.

"You have no idea."

It was at least five minute before we let go, the awkwardness setting in yet again as we were standing silently in front of each other.

"Should we talk about it?" He asked, still not making eye contact.

"I don't want to take anything away from Ash and Carter. This is about them, we shouldn't let this become a thing," I replied.

As much as I wanted to go upstairs and take back all the lost time, I knew that this was about Ashley and Carter. They were getting married in less than 24-hours and I didn't want something that happened years ago to take away from their day.

"You're right," Nolan said, sounding almost disappointed.

We stood there, neither of us saying anything, for what felt like hours.

"So how have you really been?" Nolan blurted out.

I sucked in a deep breath, debating on telling him the truth or putting up a wall, pretending that what we had is over and will never happen again.

"I don't think either of us were happy with how it ended," Nolan nodded, "I'm gonna be straight up, I've been a mess. I felt like my life came to a stop the second I lost you. You were my best friend, Nolan. You were always there for me and always made me laugh, and then, it was just over. It felt like a dream and I just wanted to fucking wake up and see you sleeping next me."

I caught my breath, looking for some kind of reaction from him. He stood there, his eyes still glued to the floor and his upper lip caught between his teeth.

"I fucked up. I knew that the second it happened and I wanted to take it back more than anything. I couldn't even blame you, it was all my fault. I literally broke my own heart."

I felt my throat close up when I heard the crack in his voice when he said that. All of the things I've wanted to say to him have been deleted from my brain and I couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"I really thought you were the love of my life. I had never felt love like I did with you and I didn't know how to handle it. It just sucks because every time I tried to have something with someone else, she would do something that reminded me of you. Even the tiniest things like untying your shoes instead of just throwing them off. It was either they reminded me of you too much, or not enough. I wasn't looking to find someone else, I wanted to find you."

I was trying my hardest to stop the tears from streaming down my face, but with all of the emotions of this week, and now this, I couldn't hold it back.

Knowing that he was having just as hard of a time as me was comforting, but also made me sad. I loved him so much. I didn't want him to feel the heartbreak that I did. As much as those words were exactly what I was hoping to hear, it hurt me even more that he was just as sad as I was.

"You were my favorite part of me, Fi."

——

this made me so happy yet so sad

thanks for 3K omg love all of u

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