Empty Space | BTOB LMH

Chapter 17

Chapter 17
He'd Always Known

SONG HARIN

I focused my summer break on Hwayoung like nothing happened. I took her to places where she would certainly enjoy, so that she wouldn't talk about Minhyuk or ask about him. I prepared her for school. We went shopping with Hani for new clothes and some child development books.

After a week of break, my car was ready to be driven again.

The night before my summer break completely ends, Hani visited home and insisted she would sleep over since it's her off. And then once we've sent Hwayoung to bed, she sidled up beside me on bed and asked, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

And I guess she knew because of Hyunsik.

I forced a smile at her. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You can't fool me or anyone. You don't realize how sad you look, eonni."

I do. I felt how painful every smile was for myself. "It was quick. Minhyuk and I. I'm probably going to get over it easily, right?"

Hani sighed. "The love or heartbreak is never measured based on the length of time you spent together. If it was real, it would hurt like hell. It wouldn't be easyㅡbecause when something's real, pain comes along with it. But here's what I always tell you, you're going to get past through it. You're going to move on. It would hurt less, and lesser each day even though you might think it won't because it's not a bullshit when they say, time heals everything. If there's a saying I believe, that's the one thing I'd put on my gravestone."

I chuckled, wiping tears that have formed my eyes. Hani leaned over and gave me a hug.

"You can get through this, eonni. It's just another challenge for you to slay. You're that badass, strong woman I admire."

I nudged her playfully. "You really are maturing. I mean, your brain."

"Eonni!"

We laughed and I turned to her. "Are you dating Im Hyunsik?"

Hani took a deep breath and smiled reluctantly. "I guess."

"I'm happy for you. Just make sure you know him well, okay? He could be married for all you know."

"I would punch his handsome face, if I turn out to be a mistress."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Thanks for staying tonight."

"Good night, eonni. I missed this."

"Me, too."

• •

The dread of heartbreak came back Monday morning when I knew I might see Minhyuk again. I looked out the window every morning and I noticed that his car was never in the driveway, but what if he didn't leave work at all?

The thought that he'd left and was really gone  from my world brought welling tears into my eyes. Minhyuk didn't die, but I lost him. I had to.

I fixed myself before getting off my car and when I got to the office, I greeted everyone. My heart skipped a beatㅡbecause he was there.

Our gazes locked with sadness and longing clear in probably both of our eyes. Minhyuk looked like hell. His necktie hadn't been tied well and his hair stuck up to different directions as if he'd run a hand through it several times now. There were dark shadows under his eyes as if he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in a week. And yes, it seemed like he lost some weight.

Worry crept through me, but I decided to break eye contact and focus on work.

Work was so much more difficult than I remembered.

Everyday was like that. He and I didn't talk, if it wasn't about work. Everyday he looked worse. I heard from Sungjae that he'd been working overtime too.

The day before weekend, I was in the storage room looking for some old files when I felt warm arms wrap around my waist. I didn't need to turn to know who it was. I knew his smell and the patterns of his breathing.

Minhyuk put his chin on my shoulder and closed his eyes.

"What are you-"

"Can we please stay like this for a while?"

"Minhyuk..."

"It's just been a hard few weeks. I just need to feel you. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and ask myself if you've been just a dream. A dream that was so beautiful and made me feel everything, but was gone too soon. And I'd close my eyes again in case you appear in my dreams, but even there, you didn't come back to me."

I closed my eyes and held his hand. "Don't make this harder than it already is." I slowly removed his arms from my body and turned to face him. "Don't think this isn't hard for me too. If I could afford to be selfish, I'd still be with you. I'd foolishly still be with you. But I can't just think about myself here, you know that. You said I'm a woman of my own, but the woman that I am is a mother and I would always pick my daughter's safety over my own happiness." I gently fixed his tie and ran my hands flat over his shoulders. "Get yourself together, Minhyuk. Maybe we can't be together, but we both have people in our lives we want to protect."

A tear rolled down his cheek, and I wanted so bad to hold him, kiss him. Not doing so was almost painful.

"I'd protect you and Hwayoung from any danger. Remember that." And then he pulled me into another tight embrace, and he cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead firmly, and I missed him so much that when he left, the room felt so much colder and darker.

• •

LEE MINHYUK

Pictures of Changsub scattered all over Hyunsik's desk. I was currently staying in his flat and after I told him everything, he so willingly let me stay here despite knowing the fact that it might bring him harm too.

With the third cup of coffee in my hand, I squeezed my eyelids and looked at the pictures again, desperately trying to find something that would give away where Changsub was, or why he was doing this.

The Lee Changsub that I know wouldn't even hurt a fly.

And then my eyes stopped on an upper angle picture where he was wearing all black, the usual but everything was covered except from his eyes. I frantically opened my laptop and searched for the screenshot that I took in front of my house the other day. My heart was drumming against my chest as I compared the two pictures.

The frame of their bodies, their height, their eyes, and even the curve of his capㅡit was all too similar to be coincidence.

Changsub had been in my house. He knows about my whereabouts.

My hands trembled with the revelation. I looked around, suddenly feeling dizzy and I couldn't breathe.

He'd always known.