The Ultimate Sin (BWWM)

24. Forbidden Fruit

Finale

How did my life end up like this? Here. In this moment. I was laying in a hospital bed, with a concussion, from a damn fight I wasn't in. The more I laid there, the more I got mad at myself. I've been in-denial about the truth: I was selfish.

Antonio gave me his life. He invited me into him and everything he consisted of. He loved me unconditionally and was willing to give me commitment, for life! Who would jeopardize that?

Somebody selfish.

Maybe this was my karma. I'd be crazy if I said that nothing was to come of my behavior. I'd slept with a married man, broken up their home, lied, cheated and broken an innocent man's heart.

So here I was. Enjoying my apple.

This is the result of that forbidden fruit I heard about growing up as a kid . I was reaping everything I'd sewed. I had become everything I tried my hardest not to. It might not have been drugs but I was addicted. Now to what exactly, I didn't know but I needed to figure it out, fast.

I snapped out of my own thoughts and looked around the room. Antonio was in the chair by the window sleeping peacefully. Tears immediately rushed to my eyes. I pray that he would fully forgive me one day.

The door opening caught my attention. In walked my granny and the deacon. She immediately gave me one of those 'I'm here now, you gone be alright' looks and it moved the cloud over my head a little further away. She walked up to me and kissed my forehead. The tears that were waiting to come out definitely fell.

She rushed to me and hugged me. "Now what ruckus you done caused?" she said as she brushed my hair behind my ear. "Too much Gran. Too much" I said and giggled a little. The Deacon came over and kissed my head. His grandfather-like aurora always comforts me. The both of them were light in a dark room and I appreciated them dearly. Would they be proud of my decisions?

Then I got sad again. We caught up for awhile quietly and Antonio slept through our almost twenty minute conversation. The doctor walked in and he woke up quickly. I was happy Gran and Deacon were here. They made me seeing Antonio alone for first time after all this less complicated.

The doctor was a nice black lady who kept complimenting me on how good of a husband Antonio was and how she'd wish she'd lucked up on his imaginary older brother. She was right though. Antonio always attracted me with his looks and how much of a nurturer he was. He always catered to all my desires expect in the bedroom. That's what started all this drama! David knew how to put it down and it made me addicted.

I was addicted to sex.

Or sex with David.

I let it ruin my morals. I let it ruin my integrity. I let it ruin a good marriage—or two. Damn. I was one of those people I used to read about in all those books. I needed to get control over this before it ruins me.

After being kept in the hospital for another day, they finally let me go home but instructed I be in bed for the week. Lord knows that's the last thing I wanna do.  I hoped Ant would consider leaving me alone but he insisted he'd stay so he could make sure I was ok. His reasoning being that we still were married. I just accepted the fact that we were gonna have to have that conversation anyways so why not?

The first night he slept on the couch but by day three he had found a million reasons why we should be in the same bed at night. I allowed it. Simply because he was opening his heart back up to me. He allowed himself to care and maybe that was the start I needed to get my wedding plans back on track.

Yup, I said it. Get my wedding plans back on track.

I chose Antonio. He was the only shot I had at a normal life. He was peaceful and didn't come with all that baggage. I had enough of my own and I was already breaking my back to keep it from all falling down.

Only problem I had to worry about was David. He had been blowing my phone up since I texted him two days ago.

David,
I'm sorry for all the havoc I've caused. I came into your life and ruined everything for you. Your marriage, your church, your friends...I've been selfish and I hope you accept my apology and understand that you won't be seeing me anymore. You're an amazing, talented, ambitious and caring man. I will forever be grateful for everything you taught me. Please, find somebody else. Fall in love. Forget about me. I'll do my hardest to remember you...

I was scared to tell Antonio, only because that would have to expose my text to David. I didn't wanna lie, but we were starting off to such a good start that I feel like it wouldn't matter that I withheld that from him. I thought about all the decisions I would make from here-on-out. Changing my number was the first one. I thought about relocating but we're already a nice distant amount. I just hoped he'd find no other way to contact me. I didn't trust myself around that man.

I knew I'd made the right decision. Antonio and I made love last night and for the first time in a long time, it was just what I wanted.

This what it.

This was the life I was supposed to live.

Me...my husband...and my baby.

                                 

                                        I was having a baby.
   

                         Perfect timing.