This Changes Everything - a Patrick Kane fanfic

chapter nineteen

Patrick came back from practice and it was January 2nd... I was in labor.

"Patrick... I think I'm in labor.." I said crying

He pulled me into a hug and he grabbed my bag and brought it out to the car. I walked into the nursery and grabbed the baby blanket. Patrick came in and he hugged me. I got a contraction and we drove to the hospital.

I was admitted and sure enough, I was in labor. I still had a ways to go. Patrick called our parents and they were all on their way. Our siblings were also coming and so was Tazer.

I couldn't stop crying and neither could Patrick. Our baby wasn't going to get to leave the hospital.

My mom came in and hugged me and Patrick. Allison laid in the hospital bed with me and held me and said, "I love you so much.."

I couldn't talk..

"You and Patrick are going to welcome your son into this world and you are going to love him. Everyone is here to support and love you both.." Allison said

Patrick hugged her and soon I had to start pushing. It was just me and Patrick in the room..

"I don't want to have a baby.." I said crying

"He's safe in there..." I whsipered

"Ashley, if you don't push, you will put yourself at risk." The nurse said

A few long and stressful moments later, our son was placed in my arms..

"Liam Johnathan Kane..." Patrick said crying

So many pictures were taken. Liam was baptized and our families got to hold him. He was given eight hours to live.

I didn't get an epidural because I wanted to be able to stand up. We took a family picture in the Blackhawk jerseys and those eight hours were the fastest eight hours of my life...

Patrick and I were both laying in my hospital bed, with our son on my chest.. His heart rate was slowing down and I said, "Mommy and daddy love you so much Liam. We won't ever forget you. You are our perfect son.. I love you so much baby.."

Patrick said, "Hey, Liam Johnathan Kane, you will always and forever be our son. We will always love you."

We both kissed him and cried as we held our son as he died in my arms.

I held him for another two hours, bawling. The nurses came and took him. The funeral was in two days.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I just laid there. I posted a pictures of Liam and said:

Rest in peace our sweet little, Liam Johnathan Kane. Liam had a rare condition that we found out about when I was about seven months pregnant. He was only going to live a few hours after birth. Liam lived for eight hours, eight minutes, and four seconds (almost our hockey numbers). Liam, your mommy and daddy will always and forever love you.

The next morning, Patrick drove me home from the hospital. I had my head on the window and didn't say a word to Patrick. He tried to hold my hand, but I pulled it away.

I walked into the house and went into the unfinished nursery and held onto Liam's baby blanket that we gave him. I sat in the chair and I held the baby blanket and I cried. Patrick came into the room and he tried to hug me.

I pushed him away and he pulled me into his arms and we cried together for hours....

Patrick carried me to bed and the next day, we went to our sons funeral. I couldn't stop crying... Patrick was hugging me and physically supporting most of my body weight.

After the funeral, we went home and our close friends, family, and teammates all came over. I sat on the couch and Donna and my mom were right beside me...

Week passed and I didn't know to do with my life. Patrick said he needed to get back on the ice. Allison was over here and I held Audrey..

It had been one month since Liam was born and I started training again.. I don't think that I've even kissed Patrick once this past month.

We kind of avoided each other, I was super distant.. It was late one night in May during the playoffs and Patrick came to my hotel room.

He was super upset and he hugged me and he said, "I love you, you know that right?"

'Of course I do, I love you too.. " I said as we kissed for the first time in almost four months.

Patrick and I continued to kiss, which lead to more. We were both still learning how to live without our son..

Every goal that Patrick or I scored, we pointed to the sky and most of the team did the same. When we got home, Patrick and I went to visit our baby boy.

We sat down on the ground and Patrick started off by saying, "Hey Liam, it's your daddy and I'm here with your mommy. We are very sorry that we haven't been here to visit you a lot together lately, but it's been so hard for us to not have you here with us. We both miss you so much and we love you."

I was crying and so was Patrick.

"Liam Johnathan Kane, I know you are up in heaven and that you are with us every day, but we miss you. I think it's so hard because you were safe in my belly for nine months and there was nothing that I or your daddy could do to keep you safe and here with us. If I could have kept you safe and been pregnant with you for the rest of my life, I would have. You are my little boy and you always will be.. I love you so much Liam.."

Patrick kissed my head and we told him all about the NHL and we just talked for hours. 

However, when we got back home, Patrick and I became distant again..