Be Without You (Completed)

29

Beyoncé's POV

"Come onnnnnnnnnnn," I groaned as I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic on my drive home from work. I've lived in New York City for 17 years, so traffic is something that I've gotten used to and it normally doesn't bother me very much, but today was not the day. I've just been feeling a little "off" all day, so I couldn't wait to get home from work, put on sweats, curl up in bed, and take a nap, but this drive home was taking much more time than I was hoping.

I finally made it through the light that I was sitting at for what felt like forever and turned onto my street. I pulled into my reserved parking spot and grabbed my purse and got out of the car.

I walked into the house and dropped my purse and coat on the floor and kicked my heels off. I'll clean up after myself later, right now my bed is calling me. I sluggishly walked up the stairs to be greeted by Skai sitting on the couch working on homework. "Hey baby," I said, giving her a weak smile.

She looked up at me and furrowed her eyebrows, "Mom, are you okay? You don't look so great...no offense."

"I'm fine, I just need to rest. Being pregnant at 38 feels a whole lot different than being pregnant at 22. This pregnancy is kicking my ass in a whole new way."

"Ok, go lay down. I'll be here, let me know if you need anything," she responded.

"I will, thank you," I said smiling before heading to my room.

I changed out of my work clothes and into a pair of Shawn's sweatpants that he left here and a t-shirt. I crawled into bed and was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

---

My eyes shot open as I was awakened by the worst pain I think I've ever felt in my life, since giving birth to Skai.

"Aaaaaaah fuck," I groaned as I gripped my stomach. It felt like period cramps, but magnified by 1000%.

I took a few deep breaths and got up to go into the bathroom. When I pulled down my sweats, my worst fears were confirmed. Blood. So much blood.

"No, no, no, no," I said as my breathing started to speed up. It took every ounce of strength in me to clean myself up before falling on the floor sobbing.

"Mom?" I heard Skai calling, sounding worried, but I didn't have the strength to answer through my sobs.

"Mom?" I heard again as she knocked on the bathroom door. "Ok, I'm coming in," she said after a few seconds of me not responding. As soon as she saw me, she rushed to my side. "Mom, please tell me what's wrong, I'm freaking out," she said as she put her arms around me in an attempt to comfort me, I rested my head on her shoulder and tried to take some breaths to calm my breathing.

"I lost it," I said quietly, once I was able to get my breathing under control.

"Lost wh- OH no," Skai said as her eyes widened. "Come on, shouldn't you go to the hospital or something?!?" she asked, grabbing my hand.

I just shook my head. "In all my years as a nurse I've seen enough miscarriages to know that there's nothing that can be done at this point. It's over," I said hopelessly.

"Mom, I'm so sorry," Skai said as her eyes filled with tears. "Come here," she said pulling me close to her. "It's okay, you can cry, I'm right here."

I continued to cry into her chest as the reality of losing my baby continued to come crashing down on me. I suddenly remembered that I would have to endure this pain all over again when I told Shawn, which caused me to sob even harder.

"He's....gonna...hate...me," I said through each sob.

"Who? Dad?" Skai asked and I nodded my head in response.