The Life Of Neveah Everson

It's Me

It's been a week since I've relapsed. I haven't been the same. I feel so guilty for not telling Emily. She's been really supportive and proud of me. Today I decided to finally tell her and deal with the consequences but I must say I'm not looking forward to this discussion. I invented Emily out for lunch after I attend my session with Dr .Collins which I'm heading to now. With this session I plan on being more open , I can't help but feel safe around Dr.Collins. I parked in the closest spot before walking into the big building. I approached the front desk and tapped my fingernails. "Go on back he's waiting." she smiled but I knew it was fake. I walled to the elevators and was soon entering his office. He smiled that beautiful smile that made my knees weak, I smiled back.

      "Hello Neveah, how are you today ?" he asked. " Pretty good.   I must be honest with you though. I did relapse after a dream.."   

    I couldn't help but look everywhere but his eyes as I mumbled the last part.

    "Could you describe this dream and we can maybe discuss why this happened and how to prevent it."  

                    I started from the beginning and described everything down to the T. By the end of my last sentence I was bawling and his shirt was soaked in tears.

     " It's all my fault. I should've just took it.! She died because of me !" I screamed as my body shook with tears. " Neveah. It's not your fault. You have to let that guilt go. I'm sure she wouldn't want you stressing and popping pills. Your grandma would want you happy and DRUG free. Am I right ?"

     He rubbed my shoulder And looked into my eyes. I took in what he said and I hung my head knowing what he said was true. My grandma looked at my mama as a monster because of her addiction and me popping pills and overdosing would only make me just as bad as her. I need to face my issues head on instead of running away using pills. At the end of day, no matter how many times I overdose or pop pills my issues will always come back unless I change something. I decided what I needed to change was myself and I was more then determined to do so. Starting with facing Emily, I left that office with a new state of mind and I was ready for anything thrown my way.